Maybe I should stop watching/reading mysteries...

[mrv3000]

Hercule Poirot gazed in turn at each in the group gathered in the library.

"First we have Madame Billingsly. So vicious with her tongue and doubly vicious with her pen in her weekly column, n'est-ce pas? But does brutality with words translate into the savage brutality of murder? In this case, non. She had the motive, but lacked the will, hiding herself most vigorously behind pen, paper and tongue. And while the pen is mightier than the sword, in this situation it does not get one hanged for murder."

Mrs. Billingsly sneered haughtily at Poirot.

"Then we come to Monsieur Victor. On the surface, so amiable. So pleasant. But underneath lurks a dark secret of bigamy, for which he was being blackmailed. I think you can guess who the blackmailer was. But was Monsieur Victor the killer? Did he wrap his fingers around the deceased's neck and throttle him in a way most like...how you say, tentacules? No. It is not possible, for he was in London marrying his third, very unlawful, wife."

Mr. Victor coughed and looked at his hands.

"Finally there is Sharktopus. Ah, wealthy. Célèbre. Above reproach. Or is he? Non! For Hercule Poirot declares that Sharktopus not only plotted murder, he reveled in it!"

"You don't have a damned bit of proof," Sharktopus growled.

"Don't I? In the beginning, you are correct, for the manner of the killing: the strangulation, the suction-cup-like marks at his throat -- a method that could have been used by anyone. The manner of death held no clues. However, along the path there was one small purple petal, most unusual for this path. And you, sir, in an attempt to provide an alibi gave yourself away. Oui! You were once a botanist!"

Sharktopus reached for his gun but fumbled it, forever lacking the use of opposable thumbs. He grimaced as the police rushed in to restrain him.

"Tell me, Monsieur," he said to Poirot. "Have you never done anything for love?"

"Ah. I fear that love makes fools of us all. Although that foolishness does not always lead to murder."

FIN.