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Trick or treat?
Okay, those Bridget Jones Diary fandom take-offs have been done a MILLION times. There are probably 25 D/R DW versions alone. Haven't read them, though.
Basically, this is just me amusing myself. (Really, what isn't?) Warning: language, non-asexuality and stupidity. References for all S1 and S2 episodes.
The Doctor's Diary
Day 328500 - Woke up after the "explosion" *wink nod* and felt funny - aside from feeling northern and having a sudden leather fetish. Have the feeling Daleks are to blame. Acquired new clothes but managed not to check self out in mirror. Don't know if I could handle big ears.
Day 328501 - Ran into cute blonde... HUMAN. YES. HUMAN. Must remember the human thing. GAH. Pretty sure Daleks did something to me.
Day 328502 - Shit! Fancied a tree. Think asexuality is dead and I *know* it was the Daleks. Bastards.
Day 328503 - Rose is hot when dolled up. HUMAN. SHE'S A HUMAN. Goddamn Daleks.
Day 328504 - Farting aliens and slapping mothers are a fantastic sex drive kill. Must remember that.
Day 328523 - Now have proof Daleks killed asexuality - taunted me with the L word. Gits. Tried to take one of them out before it could say more, but Rose got in the way. Had to bullshit something about everyone being dead. Note to self - Rose fancies skinny geek types.
Day 328524 - Tranquilizer on Adam executed with perfect timing. Bondage with Rose! Huzzah! I mean...HUMAN.
Day 328552 - Rose fucked up, but not concerned... Hmm. Loss of asexuality may actually be quite liberating. Surprisingly, daddy angst not as big a sex drive killer as one would think. Should I be worried?
Day 328591 - Captain Jack Harkness - HOT DAMN. I mean...HUMAN. AND MAN. Wait, do I care what my post-asexual orientation is?
Day 328592 - Jack's pissing me off. I swear, if Rose sleeps with him first, I'm dumping him in a slime pool. I didn't do all that excessive hand holding for nothing!
Day 328603 - The dumping in a slime pool also goes for Mickey.
Day 328620 - Blah blah blah. 'Bad Wolf' again. Who can think about vast cosmic conspiracies when you haven't gotten laid in 857 years 6 months and 2 days?
Day 328621 - Conspired with the TARDIS to get to first base, but Daleks interrupted plan. Just like them to kill asexuality and then taunt me with interruptions. However, Rose did not take kindly to the taunting and KILLED THEM DEAD. So. Turned. On. Kissing sadly interrupted by unexpected regeneration. Hate when that happens.
Day 328622 - Hooray! Am skinny geek type! I am *so* Rose bait now. As soon as I can stop puking, that is. I'm blaming the Daleks for the puking too.
Day 328625 - Snogged by Rose! YAY! Yelled at a cat! YAY! Yelled at some chick! YAY! (Okay, Rose was possessed at the time. Do not give a shit.)
Day 328639 - Tried to take Rose on a date, but got sidetracked. DAMMIT. But yelled at some old guy! YAY!
Day 328645 - Ran into Sarah Jane! YAY! However, Sarah Jane is a sex drive killer as she reminds me of my asexual days. Boo. Had moment of panic when Rose asked her along. Also, almost said L word. SHIT. What's up with that??
Day 328648 - Snogged French chick! YAY! But couldn't stop brooding about Rose when stuck with French chick. Am starting to worry about the L word. Wasn't there something about humans I was supposed to remember? Attempted to take French chick along to curb L word. Toss-up which is scarier - L word or Rose's Dalek-killing wrath over French chick. But fucked up on timing. Boo.
Day 328657 - Mickey's here and I swear to god, I can't remember how long he's been here. Tried to ditch him in an AU, but wound up with two of them. Seriously, that's just my luck. Rose had freakout over my mentioning some woman's name. Rose is SCARY. So. Turned. On.
Day 328658 - Universes aligned when Cybermen killed a spare Mickey. Can't remember which one. Yelled a lot at everyone! YAAAAAY! Groped Rose! YAAAAAAY!
Day 328664 - Tried to take Rose on a date again, but got sidetracked *again*! DAMN DAMN DAMN! But yelled LOTS! YAY!! But *still* not laid. DAMMIT.
Day 328679 - OH SHIT! ROSE WANTS TO MOVE IN TOGETHER! Wait...she's already moved in... Am very confused. Know this has to do with the L word and those goddamn Daleks.
Day 328680 - Pulled off kick-ass Rose rescue and chatted her up with my "stuff of legends" line. NOTHING. Am starting to wonder if maybe I need to wash the suit or something.
Day 328695 - Had the most awesomest adventure of my entire life! Words cannot even begin to describe! It was amazing! Mind-blowing! We saved the universe! I will NEVER forget it! Oh right - when we were done, Rose got a call from her mum that some dude named Elton was giving her shit. Rose went into scary mode and kicked his ass. GUH.
Day 328703 - What does a guy need to do to get some action? I pointed out the hair on the back of my hand! 3 centimeters of my chest was EXPOSED! Seriously! NOTHING.
Day 328725 - Fucking hell. Jackie snogged me. She tasted like curry and listerine. COMPLETE sex drive killer.
Day 328726 - Goddamn Daleks! Knew those bastards would show up again. Rose got stuck in the AU. Should take me about a month to whip up a device to get over there, but went for the low expectations thing with "never see you again." When I show up, I am *SO* gonna get laid instead of a "took you long enough!" Daleks left me a present while I was projecting myself. Insanity + obsessed with my sex life = bitchy chick in a wedding dress standing in the console room. Must have Rose kill them again when she gets back.
Basically, this is just me amusing myself. (Really, what isn't?) Warning: language, non-asexuality and stupidity. References for all S1 and S2 episodes.
The Doctor's Diary
Day 328500 - Woke up after the "explosion" *wink nod* and felt funny - aside from feeling northern and having a sudden leather fetish. Have the feeling Daleks are to blame. Acquired new clothes but managed not to check self out in mirror. Don't know if I could handle big ears.
Day 328501 - Ran into cute blonde... HUMAN. YES. HUMAN. Must remember the human thing. GAH. Pretty sure Daleks did something to me.
Day 328502 - Shit! Fancied a tree. Think asexuality is dead and I *know* it was the Daleks. Bastards.
Day 328503 - Rose is hot when dolled up. HUMAN. SHE'S A HUMAN. Goddamn Daleks.
Day 328504 - Farting aliens and slapping mothers are a fantastic sex drive kill. Must remember that.
Day 328523 - Now have proof Daleks killed asexuality - taunted me with the L word. Gits. Tried to take one of them out before it could say more, but Rose got in the way. Had to bullshit something about everyone being dead. Note to self - Rose fancies skinny geek types.
Day 328524 - Tranquilizer on Adam executed with perfect timing. Bondage with Rose! Huzzah! I mean...HUMAN.
Day 328552 - Rose fucked up, but not concerned... Hmm. Loss of asexuality may actually be quite liberating. Surprisingly, daddy angst not as big a sex drive killer as one would think. Should I be worried?
Day 328591 - Captain Jack Harkness - HOT DAMN. I mean...HUMAN. AND MAN. Wait, do I care what my post-asexual orientation is?
Day 328592 - Jack's pissing me off. I swear, if Rose sleeps with him first, I'm dumping him in a slime pool. I didn't do all that excessive hand holding for nothing!
Day 328603 - The dumping in a slime pool also goes for Mickey.
Day 328620 - Blah blah blah. 'Bad Wolf' again. Who can think about vast cosmic conspiracies when you haven't gotten laid in 857 years 6 months and 2 days?
Day 328621 - Conspired with the TARDIS to get to first base, but Daleks interrupted plan. Just like them to kill asexuality and then taunt me with interruptions. However, Rose did not take kindly to the taunting and KILLED THEM DEAD. So. Turned. On. Kissing sadly interrupted by unexpected regeneration. Hate when that happens.
Day 328622 - Hooray! Am skinny geek type! I am *so* Rose bait now. As soon as I can stop puking, that is. I'm blaming the Daleks for the puking too.
Day 328625 - Snogged by Rose! YAY! Yelled at a cat! YAY! Yelled at some chick! YAY! (Okay, Rose was possessed at the time. Do not give a shit.)
Day 328639 - Tried to take Rose on a date, but got sidetracked. DAMMIT. But yelled at some old guy! YAY!
Day 328645 - Ran into Sarah Jane! YAY! However, Sarah Jane is a sex drive killer as she reminds me of my asexual days. Boo. Had moment of panic when Rose asked her along. Also, almost said L word. SHIT. What's up with that??
Day 328648 - Snogged French chick! YAY! But couldn't stop brooding about Rose when stuck with French chick. Am starting to worry about the L word. Wasn't there something about humans I was supposed to remember? Attempted to take French chick along to curb L word. Toss-up which is scarier - L word or Rose's Dalek-killing wrath over French chick. But fucked up on timing. Boo.
Day 328657 - Mickey's here and I swear to god, I can't remember how long he's been here. Tried to ditch him in an AU, but wound up with two of them. Seriously, that's just my luck. Rose had freakout over my mentioning some woman's name. Rose is SCARY. So. Turned. On.
Day 328658 - Universes aligned when Cybermen killed a spare Mickey. Can't remember which one. Yelled a lot at everyone! YAAAAAY! Groped Rose! YAAAAAAY!
Day 328664 - Tried to take Rose on a date again, but got sidetracked *again*! DAMN DAMN DAMN! But yelled LOTS! YAY!! But *still* not laid. DAMMIT.
Day 328679 - OH SHIT! ROSE WANTS TO MOVE IN TOGETHER! Wait...she's already moved in... Am very confused. Know this has to do with the L word and those goddamn Daleks.
Day 328680 - Pulled off kick-ass Rose rescue and chatted her up with my "stuff of legends" line. NOTHING. Am starting to wonder if maybe I need to wash the suit or something.
Day 328695 - Had the most awesomest adventure of my entire life! Words cannot even begin to describe! It was amazing! Mind-blowing! We saved the universe! I will NEVER forget it! Oh right - when we were done, Rose got a call from her mum that some dude named Elton was giving her shit. Rose went into scary mode and kicked his ass. GUH.
Day 328703 - What does a guy need to do to get some action? I pointed out the hair on the back of my hand! 3 centimeters of my chest was EXPOSED! Seriously! NOTHING.
Day 328725 - Fucking hell. Jackie snogged me. She tasted like curry and listerine. COMPLETE sex drive killer.
Day 328726 - Goddamn Daleks! Knew those bastards would show up again. Rose got stuck in the AU. Should take me about a month to whip up a device to get over there, but went for the low expectations thing with "never see you again." When I show up, I am *SO* gonna get laid instead of a "took you long enough!" Daleks left me a present while I was projecting myself. Insanity + obsessed with my sex life = bitchy chick in a wedding dress standing in the console room. Must have Rose kill them again when she gets back.