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It's hard being a human.
Decided to go back in Martha's myspace blog and MST an earlier post. This one is from right after Family of Blood.
Long ago in an English winter there was this man. And he gave up his life to save all of us.
When the Doctor decided to become a human, I didn't really think about what that would actually mean. I suppose I thought it'd be like Wife Swap or something.
I mean, I'm trying to imagine swapping my life with Leo. I love being Aunty Marth but the idea of giving up what I have, to be all settled down with a kid... yikes! But for the Doctor it was so much more than that.
He's lived for hundreds of years. I mean, that's big. That must change the way you look at anything.
I've been thinking back to what he said to Lazarus – about how it's not how long you live but what you do with your life that matters.
And I'm sure he meant it but it's not true, is it?
The last couple of months I've spent with him have been the biggest thing in my life. But for him it must be the equivalent of like a conversation I once had with some stranger on the Tube. He's probably always going to be the most important person I'll ever meet but I must just be a small distraction to him.
The thing is, when he was a human, I told him something. I'm not ready to write it down here although I reckon you can probably guess what it was.
The problem was that he fell in love. With someone else.
She was called Joan and she was nice and everything and she loved him back. She'll never forget him but he'll forget her.
The human John Smith gave up everything so that he could save the day and I think he did it more for her than for me or anyone else. He loved her in a way the Doctor can never do. He'll move on and she and everyone else we met will be forgotten.
People like Jenny.
Jenny was great. We were mates and then the Family came and took her because they were looking for the Doctor. And Tim. Such a little sweetheart. Going to be a real heartbreaker when he grows up. If he grows up, that is. Because that's the thing, isn't it? We've left Joan and Tim and everyone else back in 1913 and for them, the world is going to change and they're all going to be at war and some of them will die. And they'll be forgotten. In the same way that Joan was a tiny part of the Doctor's life, so they're all just a tiny part in history.
But I won't forget them and I know Joan will never forget John Smith.
And I just hope the Doctor will never forget me.
I was just about to send this off when the Doctor said he wanted to show me something. We left the TARDIS and we were back in my time.
For a minute I was worried he was bringing me home again but then he told me to look where we were. We were in the same village but, like I say, so many years later. And there was some kind of service going on next to a war memorial. We watched from a distance and then the Doctor whispered in my ear that the old bloke in the wheelchair was Tim. He'd survived both wars and God knows what else! And there he was. In front of me. So much older but alive. And I realised that the memorial, like the one back on in the Eye of Orion, meant that we didn't forget the people we left behind.
And I was wrong. What I said earlier about the Doctor. That was wrong. Simply by bringing me here, he was showing me that he didn't forget.
Long ago in an English winter there was this man. And he gave up his life to save all of us.
- Oh, sorry. Am I blogging? Was reading a book there.
When the Doctor decided to become a human, I didn't really think about what that would actually mean. I suppose I thought it'd be like Wife Swap or something.
- Since, you know, I think I really can call myself his wife by now. Mrs. Doctor. Mrs. Martha Doctor. Mr. and Mrs. Doctor.
I mean, I'm trying to imagine swapping my life with Leo. I love being Aunty Marth but the idea of giving up what I have, to be all settled down with a kid... yikes! But for the Doctor it was so much more than that.
- Mr. and Dr. Doctor. Dr. Martha Doctor.
He's lived for hundreds of years. I mean, that's big. That must change the way you look at anything.
- Audience: Well, considering it's been his only point of view, maybe not *change* the way he looks at everything...
I've been thinking back to what he said to Lazarus – about how it's not how long you live but what you do with your life that matters.
- Doctor: Oh, well I was actually talking about how a longer life isn't always a better one. In the end you just get tired and you'll end up alone. But no matter. That's...close enough.
And I'm sure he meant it but it's not true, is it?
- Doctor: *blinks* You don't think what you do with your life is what matters? You know, maybe you and me should have been talking a bit more...
The last couple of months I've spent with him have been the biggest thing in my life. But for him it must be the equivalent of like a conversation I once had with some stranger on the Tube. He's probably always going to be the most important person I'll ever meet but I must just be a small distraction to him.
- Doctor: Hold on. What's this? 'Mrs. Martha Doctor'??? The HELL?!
The thing is, when he was a human, I told him something. I'm not ready to write it down here although I reckon you can probably guess what it was.
- Doctor: 'MR. AND DR. DOCTOR'?? Right. We really, REALLY need to talk.
The problem was that he fell in love. With someone else.
- Doctor: Yeah, sorry my painful human experience was a bummer for you.
She was called Joan and she was nice and everything and she loved him back. She'll never forget him but he'll forget her.
- Doctor: Well, that's a big fat assumption right there. Kinda don't think I'll forget Joan.
The human John Smith gave up everything so that he could save the day and I think he did it more for her than for me or anyone else. He loved her in a way the Doctor can never do. He'll move on and she and everyone else we met will be forgotten.
- Doctor: No, really. Susan, Ian, Barbara, Vicki, Steven, Katarina, Sara, Dodo, Ben, Polly, Jamie, Victoria, Zoe, Liz, Jo, Sarah Jane, Harry, Leela, K-9, Romana, Adric, Nyssa, Tegan, Turlough, Kamelion, Peri, Mel, Ace, Grace, Adam, Jack, Mickey, Donna... I'd say Rose, but you tend to go NUTS when I do. Which could be amusing. Rose! Heh heh heh. RoseRoseRose!
People like Jenny.
- Doctor: Really, really! First time I landed on Skaro, there was Temnosus and Alydon and Dyoni... You know, my brain *is* actually bigger than my mouth. Hard to imagine, I KNOW.
Jenny was great. We were mates and then the Family came and took her because they were looking for the Doctor. And Tim. Such a little sweetheart. Going to be a real heartbreaker when he grows up. If he grows up, that is. Because that's the thing, isn't it? We've left Joan and Tim and everyone else back in 1913 and for them, the world is going to change and they're all going to be at war and some of them will die. And they'll be forgotten. In the same way that Joan was a tiny part of the Doctor's life, so they're all just a tiny part in history.
- Doctor: Okay, you know what? You are all pets. You happy now?
But I won't forget them and I know Joan will never forget John Smith.
And I just hope the Doctor will never forget me.
- Doctor: If I can't manage to forget that unfortunate almost-marrying-an-elephant incident, don't think you're going anywhere.
I was just about to send this off when the Doctor said he wanted to show me something. We left the TARDIS and we were back in my time.
- This is it! I know he's going to propose!!
Doctor: O_O
For a minute I was worried he was bringing me home again but then he told me to look where we were. We were in the same village but, like I say, so many years later. And there was some kind of service going on next to a war memorial. We watched from a distance and then the Doctor whispered in my ear that the old bloke in the wheelchair was Tim. He'd survived both wars and God knows what else! And there he was. In front of me. So much older but alive. And I realised that the memorial, like the one back on in the Eye of Orion, meant that we didn't forget the people we left behind.
And I was wrong. What I said earlier about the Doctor. That was wrong. Simply by bringing me here, he was showing me that he didn't forget.
- Doctor: THANK YOU. You know, if you knew this all before you started blogging, why all the 'he'll forget everything!' drama? Just for that...ROSE! *wanders off muttering*