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Another writing exercise. Instead of focusing on the voice of a character, this time I'm trying a different narrative but following the extremely loose plot idea from the character freewriting I did earlier.
Okay, *not* a fic. Just an exercise.
No one has to read this, I just want to get it out there. Sounds weak, I know, but for me there really is a difference in my mind between having something on my computer and having something out in the open, even if no one actually reads it. It's therapeutic!
These writing exercises seem to have death in them. I wonder if that means something...
*
"Yes, sir."
You hear the voice in your head the whole way. You run as fast as you can but your body...your knees rebel. You end up getting there last.
Before you see him, you see the others.
You see Teal'c first. His face...no. Not his face. His eyes. His eyes show sadness. But also resignation. Old eyes.
Next to him, Daniel paces. One hand running through his hair, the other slapping his bandana on his leg. You catch his gaze. Shock lives there.
You hear the sound of cracking bone and a jagged "Fuck." from Carter. She quickly looks up at you. Sorrow. But she only glances at you for a second as she tries to beat the life back into him.
You duck your head as a trickle of dirt showers down from the cliff's edge. Your face down away from the rocks, you finally look.
"Yes, sir."
Too damn young.
Just a kid...
You try and keep it down, after all, you're used to death. But it's stronger than you. It blindsides you. Commands you. Laughs at you.
You don't try to control yourself as you leave your team behind. You don't try to control yourself as you beat the village elder within an inch of his life for not warning anyone about the edge. And you don't try to control yourself as you're pulled off of him by Teal'c and Daniel.
When the med team finally arrives, you insist on carrying part of the stretcher. And as you step through the Gate on Jonas' final trip to Earth, you hear his last words to you.
"Yes, sir."
Okay, *not* a fic. Just an exercise.
No one has to read this, I just want to get it out there. Sounds weak, I know, but for me there really is a difference in my mind between having something on my computer and having something out in the open, even if no one actually reads it. It's therapeutic!
These writing exercises seem to have death in them. I wonder if that means something...
*
"Yes, sir."
You hear the voice in your head the whole way. You run as fast as you can but your body...your knees rebel. You end up getting there last.
Before you see him, you see the others.
You see Teal'c first. His face...no. Not his face. His eyes. His eyes show sadness. But also resignation. Old eyes.
Next to him, Daniel paces. One hand running through his hair, the other slapping his bandana on his leg. You catch his gaze. Shock lives there.
You hear the sound of cracking bone and a jagged "Fuck." from Carter. She quickly looks up at you. Sorrow. But she only glances at you for a second as she tries to beat the life back into him.
You duck your head as a trickle of dirt showers down from the cliff's edge. Your face down away from the rocks, you finally look.
"Yes, sir."
Too damn young.
Just a kid...
You try and keep it down, after all, you're used to death. But it's stronger than you. It blindsides you. Commands you. Laughs at you.
You don't try to control yourself as you leave your team behind. You don't try to control yourself as you beat the village elder within an inch of his life for not warning anyone about the edge. And you don't try to control yourself as you're pulled off of him by Teal'c and Daniel.
When the med team finally arrives, you insist on carrying part of the stretcher. And as you step through the Gate on Jonas' final trip to Earth, you hear his last words to you.
"Yes, sir."