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Fic (sort of)
First there was nanda's Not a Fic. Now I bring you...
*
"Oh my God, it's an unbidden erection!"
Jack woke with a start, the all-too-familiar words echoing in his head. He'd been having the same dream ever since his somewhat confusing chat with Carter.
There he was, in the middle of giving a briefing to a room full of short dogs, when Siler walked in carrying a large wrench-shaped donut. Suddenly he was in his underwear with an unmistakable tingling in his, uh, naughty bits. That's when Siler yelled those horrible words.
Goddammit.
Jack stumbled from his bedroom towards the kitchen, muttering to the floor. He was almost certain this all had to do with his little revelation. That'd teach him to ever do that sharing crap again. But dream Siler needed to stop. Now.
Jack made a detour towards the phone and hit number seven on the speed dial. He didn't have to wait long before a tired, and perhaps a little pissed off, voice sounded on the other end.
"Hello, sir. The donut again?"
"Yeah, I..."
"Sir? I'm gonna be frank. You need to get laid. I have neither the time nor the patience to deal with this. Go. See. Anise. She's easy. You may learn something, then again it may end up killing you. Either way I'm gonna get some sleep out of it."
Jack wrinkled his brow. "Easy?"
Carter sighed. "Yes, sir."
He shifted from one foot to the other, the creases in his forehead deepening. "Laid?"
"Oh good God."
The line went dead.
Damn, for someone who never slept, she was cranky at 3 a.m. But if Carter said to see Anise, he should see Anise. After all, Carter was smart. Jack hit the five on his speed dial.
"This is Colonel O'Neill. I need the control room."
Circle of stone, circle of steel, I want to ride in an iron wheel...
Jack winced. Whoever decided on Jefferson Starship for their hold music should be shot.
"Montwrol woom."
"Ex...cuse me? Who is this?"
Jack heard loud chewing and then swallowing. "Sorry, sir. Had my mouth full. This is Siler."
Jack blanched and gripped the phone.
"Hello? Sir? Are you there?"
"What...what were you eating?" Jack managed in a hoarse whisper, shivering slightly at his lack of clothing except his underwear.
"Uh, just a donut, sir. Sir? Did you need something?"
Jack blinked at the wall, like a deer caught in the headlights.
Something twitched.
"NO." He slammed down the phone.
Goddamn tingling.
*
It's probably rated R and set in S6. And I get bonus points for using a first line.
*
"Oh my God, it's an unbidden erection!"
Jack woke with a start, the all-too-familiar words echoing in his head. He'd been having the same dream ever since his somewhat confusing chat with Carter.
There he was, in the middle of giving a briefing to a room full of short dogs, when Siler walked in carrying a large wrench-shaped donut. Suddenly he was in his underwear with an unmistakable tingling in his, uh, naughty bits. That's when Siler yelled those horrible words.
Goddammit.
Jack stumbled from his bedroom towards the kitchen, muttering to the floor. He was almost certain this all had to do with his little revelation. That'd teach him to ever do that sharing crap again. But dream Siler needed to stop. Now.
Jack made a detour towards the phone and hit number seven on the speed dial. He didn't have to wait long before a tired, and perhaps a little pissed off, voice sounded on the other end.
"Hello, sir. The donut again?"
"Yeah, I..."
"Sir? I'm gonna be frank. You need to get laid. I have neither the time nor the patience to deal with this. Go. See. Anise. She's easy. You may learn something, then again it may end up killing you. Either way I'm gonna get some sleep out of it."
Jack wrinkled his brow. "Easy?"
Carter sighed. "Yes, sir."
He shifted from one foot to the other, the creases in his forehead deepening. "Laid?"
"Oh good God."
The line went dead.
Damn, for someone who never slept, she was cranky at 3 a.m. But if Carter said to see Anise, he should see Anise. After all, Carter was smart. Jack hit the five on his speed dial.
"This is Colonel O'Neill. I need the control room."
Circle of stone, circle of steel, I want to ride in an iron wheel...
Jack winced. Whoever decided on Jefferson Starship for their hold music should be shot.
"Montwrol woom."
"Ex...cuse me? Who is this?"
Jack heard loud chewing and then swallowing. "Sorry, sir. Had my mouth full. This is Siler."
Jack blanched and gripped the phone.
"Hello? Sir? Are you there?"
"What...what were you eating?" Jack managed in a hoarse whisper, shivering slightly at his lack of clothing except his underwear.
"Uh, just a donut, sir. Sir? Did you need something?"
Jack blinked at the wall, like a deer caught in the headlights.
Something twitched.
"NO." He slammed down the phone.
Goddamn tingling.
*
It's probably rated R and set in S6. And I get bonus points for using a first line.
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