mrv3000 | Badfic from the past.

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doctor who,
new who

Badfic from the past.

I MST-ed again. (You caught me. I'm home with the sniffles today.) I'm going backwards in Martha's myspace blog. This one's from after Human Nature.

The Doctor is gone.

He's lying outside the TARDIS and he's breathing but he's not the Doctor any more. And I'm scared because of what he's done to himself so I'm writing this in case something happens.

That's a good opener, right? I mean, not much anyone can do in 2007 looking at my blog if something happens in 1913, but it *sounds* good.
It all started after we left the Torajii system. Well I say it all started, it never actually stopped. We just went to so many places and got caught up in so many things. We met shape-changing aliens and people who weren't real and creatures everyone thought were extinct. We went back in time and forward in time and just... it never stopped!

Beta note: Yeah, you might want to give a little more description here. It's good you've got that whole blur thing going, but a bit more detail would be nice since you sound like an out-of-breath six-year-old.
So, then we found ourselves back in the TARDIS and the Doctor asked me where I wanted to go next. And I said that I'd like to go somewhere where we could just sit and chat, you know. Like normal people do!

That's right. The Doctor and I *totally* have conversations about life. We tell each other everything.
So I figured he'd take me to Starbucks or something. But, yeah, this is the Doctor we're talking about...

He took me to this place called the Eye of Orion. It was beautiful.

Okay, it really was a Starbucks in the Eye of Orion, where he sat with his knee bouncing until I was done with my latte. But I don't need to mention that.
So calm and still and alien but not in a bad way.

Beta note: You've been to *bad* calm, still, alien places?
He told me that, back in the old days, the Eye of Orion used to be sort of like a holiday resort. But now it's this shrine to the Time War.

Beta note: Do you really want to be implying that the Doctor went and built a shrine to the Time War on the ruins of Vegas?
It was all ruins and grass and mist and just so quiet. We went to a meadow and standing in it was this stone that was about the same height as me. He said it was a war memorial. I asked him why there weren't any names on it and he said it was because too many people had died. I took his hand and we sat down. And we sat there, huddled under a blanket, drinking tea from an old thermos.

Oh God, this is good, isn't it? *SQUEES*
And he told me about the Time War.

Beta note: Didn't he already do this? Oh, wait. Is this an episode rewrite? I mean, another one?
It reminded me of when I was a kid and Granddad told me about what he did during World War Two. It was this huge, big, incomprehensible historical thing that we learnt about at school but for the people who were there, it was their life. It wasn't something they learnt about or knew what had caused it or anything. One minute they were living their lives as normal, the next they were having to kill people and be killed and fight and... I remember my Granddad crying.

Should the Doctor be crying? Maybe I should have him cry. He could cry in my lap! Although...he *is* a bit too hot to cry.
The Doctor didn't cry. He just looked so lost and sad.

But he's still holding my hand, dammit!
He told me about what happened at Arcadia and he told me about the friends he'd lost. The Time War was just inconceivably big and as he told me about it, I thought how strange it was that us lot on Earth hadn't known about it. And then I realised that it wasn't the first time a war had been going on in my lifetime which I'd not really noticed.

Beta note: Is this a social commentary? Anyway, you're getting a bit off point. Makes it sound like the Doctor's telling you about the Time War and you're zoning out to think about how it relates to you.
And I felt pretty selfish.

Beta note: ...
I've been so worried about my career and about keeping mum away from Annalise and whether I can afford a new jacket and so many other little stupid things when really I should be thanking people like Granddad and the Doctor for just giving me the chance to live.

Hmm. Maybe I should stop comparing the Doctor to my Granddad. It's starting to ick me out.
After a while, he went silent and we just held hands and sat there. And it was perfect.

Should I write in kissing in this fic? Or next one? Hmmm. Probably should save that for later. After all, gotta make people come back for more!
Then he jumped up, looked down at me and said that it was time to have some fun! 'Less angst, more fun!' were his words.

I *so* have the Doctor's voice nailed.
And he took me to Helsinki. To last year's Eurovision contest! I was slightly concerned that he genuinely seemed to enjoy the music and he was embarrassingly excited about the Slovenian entry who had lights on her hand, but it was a brilliant night. We had such a laugh, and I tell you something, he's not a bad mover! We both agreed there was something pretty cool about how only a few years before all these countries had been at war and now they're sending camp men dressed in foil to sing bad songs at some concert.

Anyway, we didn't stay for the results because we both already knew who won - sorry Scooch, that's time travel, you know what's coming.

Beta note: I think you probably could cut this way down. It's not all that interesting and seems to have little to do with the plot or even provides any character development.
So we left the arena and we were just returning to the TARDIS when we saw this green light glowing from around the corner – and we could hear the sound of someone sniffing! I just assumed it was part of the celebrations but the Doctor went to check anyway. And within seconds, he was bombing back round the corner with his hands over his face. Followed, naturally, by laser fire. He pushed me into the TARDIS and ran in after me, shutting the doors. I asked him what was going on and he told me about this hunting family or something. He'd recognised them cos of the green stuff and the sniffing - but, luckily, they hadn't seen his face, or mine, which meant we had a chance.

Okay, what had really happened was that the Doctor started randomly licking and then chewing on the hair braid of the girl from the Slovenian entry, who then turned out to really be an alien and was PISSED as it wasn't really her hair but her feelers. But this sounds way, WAY better. 'Cause I don't want to kiss a mouth that's been chewing on hair. Or feelers.
Problem is they'd be able to trace him because he's the only Time Lord that's left. So, he told me that the only way he could escape from them was to stop being a Time Lord and become human. And that's what he's done. Just like that.

Well, for a while there he was convinced he could hide out for a few months in the TARDIS, it being impenetrable and all. But I was NOT going to be cooped up in there for three months. So I told him to figure something else out because that was *so* not happening.
And it all feels like it's happened so quickly.

I mean, quickly other than the hour it took him to record a detailed list of instructions.
I'm about to leave the TARDIS now. We're in 1913 where he reckons we should be safe. I've got to drag him out to a field and when he wakes up, I've got to say he was in an accident and that we're on our way to his new job. As for me, I've got to be Martha the ever-so-humble maid. A while back, if he'd suggested that I'd have told him where to get off but after everything he's been through? After everything he's done for the rest of us? No, I'll be fine. Yeah, I'll be fine.

And also, John Smith totally did not write Doctor/Rose fic. SO THERE.

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The Beta Notes are made of win. And John Smith TOTALLY wrote Doctor/Rose fanfic.

The Beta Notes are made of win.

*g*

And John Smith TOTALLY wrote Doctor/Rose fanfic.

He so did. :D

*facepalm* OK, so, I had heard about the Eye of Orion trip, but I just didn't realize how sappy and 12-year-old writing fanfic it was like. Martha. Stop writing ABH (Anywhere But Here) self-insertion fic, really. Note: Not the same thing as Mary Sue, but close; it's where you write a 2nd person fanfiction story about yourself and Fill-In-The-Blank (the Doctor, Han Solo, Jack O'Neill, whomever) from your own point of view. It was highly popular in the late 90s in the Star Wars fandom after The Phantom Menace came out, and this feels very much like that sort of thing. Not like someone's actual journal entry. Whoever wrote this really sucks.

And also, John Smith totally did not write Doctor/Rose fic. SO THERE.

Of course he didn't, dear. There, there. *eyeroll*

*facepalm* OK, so, I had heard about the Eye of Orion trip, but I just didn't realize how sappy and 12-year-old writing fanfic it was like.

It really, REALLY is. MST-ing this is pretty much like shooting ducks in a barrel. FISH! Yes, fish. Or really, anything in a barrel.

Martha. Stop writing ABH (Anywhere But Here) self-insertion fic, really. Note: Not the same thing as Mary Sue, but close; it's where you write a 2nd person fanfiction story about yourself and Fill-In-The-Blank (the Doctor, Han Solo, Jack O'Neill, whomever) from your own point of view. It was highly popular in the late 90s in the Star Wars fandom after The Phantom Menace came out, and this feels very much like that sort of thing. Not like someone's actual journal entry.

Oh dear LORD. I've not had the pleasure of encountering this kind of fic...

Whoever wrote this really sucks.

Maybe he's just really pissed off that he drew the short straw in the "YOU have to write Martha's blog" BBC Wales pool.

Of course he didn't, dear. There, there.

*snickers*

MST-ing this is pretty much like shooting ducks in a barrel. FISH! Yes, fish. Or really, anything in a barrel.

*snerk* Possibly even the humor-impaired could manage it.

Oh dear LORD. I've not had the pleasure of encountering this kind of fic...

And the thing is? Some of the ones I remember from SW were actually fairly decently written, otherwise I wouldn't have bothered to get beyond the first page. This? Not so much. These things give me the impression that Rusty tossed off a series of bullet points for someone to get through, and the writer is getting through them as quickly as he possibly can, with as little detail as possible.

Oh wait! Jedi Academy! Like that?

But yeah. This is just about the strangest extracurricular show thing I've seen. Well, playing that shooty game where you had to help the Stargate from overheating was weird, but at least there...SHOOTY GAME.

Wheee! I remember that! I totally kicked butt at it. *wonders what happened to it*

*wonders also* I think I usually got bored and let the Stargate have a meltdown. :D

LOL!!!

It really, REALLY is. MST-ing this is pretty much like shooting ducks in a barrel. FISH! Yes, fish. Or really, anything in a barrel.

MONKEYS!

Awwww! Poor monkeys!

Not real monkeys though, 'cause that would be wrong.

Yes. Poor monkeys.

You make an excellent beta reader. I think you need to be more cutting though. ;)

Too funny.

You make an excellent beta reader. I think you need to be more cutting though. ;)

Mwah!

Too funny.

*G*

You make an excellent beta reader. I think you need to be more cutting though. ;)

Too funny.

Frankly... no it's not. With due respect, it's really not that funny. Normally, I've a pretty good sense of humour, but I'm not laughing at this.

It IS late at night, and I'm tired, bear in mind, but uhm...

Michelle... I know you're not happy with this season, or with Martha's characterisation, and neither am I, but... I think you need to stop and look at yourself. You've complained before about fandom, and people who hate characters in particular (e.g., Rose-haters, Martha-haters, etc). Yet... in MSTing these posts, the way you come across... you're beginning to sound just like those very people whom you criticise. Which unsettles me deeply, because you've always seemed to be the sort who was always above that.

~Fif

UM...you do realize I'm parodying the myspace BLOG, right? In my opinion the blog bears NO resemblance to the character of Martha. Something I've said many times in my other posts.

*Sighs*

I apologise.

It's late at night, I'm tired and probably seeing things that just aren't there.

As a friend of mine rightly said, it's your LJ, and I should butt out.

I'm sorry. Forgive me. *Bows*

Well, I have to say I didn't really appreciate the lecture. But that being said, apology accepted.

That's just not the Doctor at all in any of the things Martha describes (might have been the Doctor last year but not really, certainly not this year), also thank you for pointing out that *he already told her about the Time War* and that who else but him could have set up a Time War memorial and really he wouldn't have and this wouldn't have been how he did it if he did.

And this one is almost as bad as the end of the universe for 'WTF, when exactly did she post this?' questions. People writing Martha need you as a beta really, maybe they just need a beta at all, but you'd make a good one. Thanks for more funny.

That's just not the Doctor at all in any of the things Martha describes

Mwah. No.

also thank you for pointing out that *he already told her about the Time War* and that who else but him could have set up a Time War memorial and really he wouldn't have and this wouldn't have been how he did it if he did.

Ah, but badfic Doctor would! ;)

And this one is almost as bad as the end of the universe for 'WTF, when exactly did she post this?' questions.

Yup. So apparently the Doctor's unconscious outside, but Martha takes time out to blog...

People writing Martha need you as a beta really, maybe they just need a beta at all, but you'd make a good one. Thanks for more funny.

You're welcome! And thanks!

Two of these in one day? Fantastic.

And we sat there, huddled under a blanket, drinking tea from an old thermos. And he told me about the Time War.

Martha: Great. Now I’m starting to get jealous of myself. Why won’t he talk to me? I bet he talked to Rose all the time. I bet they went out for chips their first day together, and he told her everything.

Two of these in one day? Fantastic.

I blame the sniffles. :D

Martha: Great. Now I’m starting to get jealous of myself. Why won’t he talk to me? I bet he talked to Rose all the time. I bet they went out for chips their first day together, and he told her everything.

*snickers*

BEEBEES!!!!!1eleventy

HA. Love it.

Ahahaha. Oh, her blog is such a piece of crap. Good calls *sporfle*

The little devil in me says that it would be enormously fun to spork her blog at the official DW MST comm. Bet that'd fly like the Hindenberg ;)

Ahahaha. Oh, her blog is such a piece of crap. Good calls *sporfle*

They seriously, SERIOUSLY need to stop doing it for S4. And once again, I am SO glad they didn't give Rose a myspace blog. I would have had to shoot something.

The little devil in me says that it would be enormously fun to spork her blog at the official DW MST comm. Bet that'd fly like the Hindenberg ;)

Oh dear. :D

Bloody hell, she does go off on a tangent, doesn't she? And she's totally writing Mary Sue fic. ;P

Hmm. Maybe I should stop comparing the Doctor to my Granddad. It's starting to ick me out.

LOLOL!!! *I* was starting to get squicked out by the constant comparisons!

Bloody hell, she does go off on a tangent, doesn't she? And she's totally writing Mary Sue fic. ;P

I actually happened to see this entry a while back, and even back then it was like...wow. This is actual badfic. :D

LOLOL!!! *I* was starting to get squicked out by the constant comparisons!

It could really only go very bad places.

It could really only go very bad places.

*shudders*

Okay, confession time. I was even weirded out when I first saw Army of Ghosts and Jackie said that Rose's Granddad was coming for a visit. And the Doctor looked interested. My split-second first thought was, "ACK! They're going to bond like only old people can! GET IT OFF!"

Yes, I'm very strange.

BWAH!!!

Oh, I love these. So, so much. :D

(*offers hugs like whoa, for that other stuff*)

Thanks! :)

So, Martha's blog actually says that the Doctor took her hand, sat her down, and poured out all his Time War angst? And I'm seriously expected to believe that? Has the person who writes these things even *seen* the show? Because that's not how the Doctor is with Martha at all. I just...can't see him volunteering anything to her.

Rose, on the other hand...

Yup, the italics is a direct cut-and-paste from the blog. No additions or subtractions. Feel free to take time to boggle about that... :D

Can I just say, I am so glad they never did anything like this with Rose. If someone had butchered her character they way they're butchering Martha's, I would've had to shoot something.

TELL me about it.

I'm concerned for Martha's well-being. More so than usual after reading this badfic.

(She got her Eurovision contests mixed up - Scootch weren't in last year's contest, but this years... so... She didn't see the future, she saw the past. An embarassing past few Brits would be pleased about...)

*cheers for John Smith writing Doctor/Rose fic - with illustrations!!!*

And I felt pretty selfish.
Beta note: ...

Perfect. Just... perfect. *g*

... Please don't stop doing these. They almost make it possible to put up with her.

I'm concerned for Martha's well-being. More so than usual after reading this badfic.

(She got her Eurovision contests mixed up - Scootch weren't in last year's contest, but this years... so... She didn't see the future, she saw the past. An embarassing past few Brits would be pleased about...)

Whoopsie!

*cheers for John Smith writing Doctor/Rose fic - with illustrations!!!*

Yes! He not only wrote fic, he had a banner! ;D

Perfect. Just... perfect. *g*

... Please don't stop doing these. They almost make it possible to put up with her.

*snickers*

Haven't actually ever seen anything prior to this post, so we'll have to see what the earlier ones look like.

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Badfic from the past.

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