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You'll have to bear with me here. I didn't actually watch all of it. I kept wandering off to watch the Harry Potter marathon.
The story opens with Noah Wyle doing the geek version of James Bond. Not often you see Bond having a coughing fit because champagne bubbles get up his nose. So Flynn (Noah Wyle) heads to an auction where we find out he has a Very Annoying Girlfriend who proceeds to yell at him on his cell phone. It's obvious Very Annoying Girlfriend will be out of the picture soon since she gives him an ultimatum to meet in 15 minutes. Well, how can you expect The Librarian to meet anyone in 15 minutes? Not when he has to have a sword fight over the Philosopher's Stone!
(Admission: the sword fight did make me laugh. Both people were antiquities experts and occasionally stopped to look at something, both spouting off detailed facts.)
Anyway, The Librarian wins after turning a random pillow into gold and discovers that the Very Annoying Girlfriend has left him. The Librarian then proceeds to have a nervous breakdown because she didn't properly checkout. (HA! I crack myself up.) He goes back to the Library where he tries to get his best friend - Excalibur the sword - to kill him due to the fact he hasn't has sex in probably, oh, 48 hours.
Bob Newhart tells him to stop scaring the relics. (Okay, I laughed again.)
Side note: the most interesting parts of these movies is when they actually go into the Library and they show you all the stuff. UFOs, Noah's Ark, the Fountain of Youth... Way more interesting to me than the run-and-chase plots they have.
Meanwhile, the most unstealthy cat burglars in all the land are off raiding some castle somewhere. They are Russian. I know this because when they got done repelling, they said "for Russia!" in fairly loud voices, which kind of defeated the whole black ski mask ensemble they had going. They find some tomb and the leader starts shouting with Russianic joy. The security guard had to have snorted awake by this time.
So anyway, back to The Librarian. Flynn proceeds to watch Jane Curtin drunkenly give him vacation advice. I missed her either coming in or getting her drink on with Flynn, so I'm not sure what set her off. I'll assume she and Bob had a spat.
Flynn then dreams about a horse statue and some woman who was in Quantum of Solace who beckons him to her. Flynn recognizes the horse statue as being in New Orleans and races off where he picks up his standard buddy cab driver who can hook Flynn up everywhere. Obviously part of New Orleans' program to get in tourists.
Blah blah blah, Flynn wanders into a club where the mystery woman is singing.
Surprise! She's the guardian of a medallion that shows the way to the Judas Challis. Never heard of the Judas Challis? Why not? It's only the cup made with the 30 pieces of silver Judas got for betraying Christ. And Judas was the very first vampire. Well, DUH, story. Please don't insult my intelligence. Everyone knows that. Pretty sure it's in the Bible.
Chasing, running, Bob Newhart doing magic tricks in a barber shop, palling around with his standard-issue cab-driver buddy and Surprise! Flynn knows the professor working with the Russians who's pretending to be held against his will, but actually is happy to be there. Did I mention that the reason the Russians are in this is because they want to raise Dracula from the dead in order to restore Russia to its former glory? It should be mentioned.
More chasing and running...I assume. I was off watching Harry Potter. I'm not quite sure why since I have that movie on DVD. Hmmm.
But I eventually turned back and Surprise! Dream girl is a VAMPIRE! Dun dun duuuuuun.
More Surprise! Professor guy is also a vampire! Bigger DUNS. And he has the Judas Challis and is creating...zombie vampires. Or something. Not quite clear on that one.
Chasing, running AND yelling going on while I was back at Harry Potter, then OMG Flynn does a Buffy on him and stakes him. He burns up in Flynn's personal space - you'd have thought Flynn might have taken a step back or two - and yay! The threat is over. I assume. I wandered off and didn't go back.
I'll also assume that vampire girl trekked back to the Library and she and Flynn lived happily ever after, spending their days trying not to walk in on Bob Newhart and Jane Curtin.
The story opens with Noah Wyle doing the geek version of James Bond. Not often you see Bond having a coughing fit because champagne bubbles get up his nose. So Flynn (Noah Wyle) heads to an auction where we find out he has a Very Annoying Girlfriend who proceeds to yell at him on his cell phone. It's obvious Very Annoying Girlfriend will be out of the picture soon since she gives him an ultimatum to meet in 15 minutes. Well, how can you expect The Librarian to meet anyone in 15 minutes? Not when he has to have a sword fight over the Philosopher's Stone!
(Admission: the sword fight did make me laugh. Both people were antiquities experts and occasionally stopped to look at something, both spouting off detailed facts.)
Anyway, The Librarian wins after turning a random pillow into gold and discovers that the Very Annoying Girlfriend has left him. The Librarian then proceeds to have a nervous breakdown because she didn't properly checkout. (HA! I crack myself up.) He goes back to the Library where he tries to get his best friend - Excalibur the sword - to kill him due to the fact he hasn't has sex in probably, oh, 48 hours.
Bob Newhart tells him to stop scaring the relics. (Okay, I laughed again.)
Side note: the most interesting parts of these movies is when they actually go into the Library and they show you all the stuff. UFOs, Noah's Ark, the Fountain of Youth... Way more interesting to me than the run-and-chase plots they have.
Meanwhile, the most unstealthy cat burglars in all the land are off raiding some castle somewhere. They are Russian. I know this because when they got done repelling, they said "for Russia!" in fairly loud voices, which kind of defeated the whole black ski mask ensemble they had going. They find some tomb and the leader starts shouting with Russianic joy. The security guard had to have snorted awake by this time.
So anyway, back to The Librarian. Flynn proceeds to watch Jane Curtin drunkenly give him vacation advice. I missed her either coming in or getting her drink on with Flynn, so I'm not sure what set her off. I'll assume she and Bob had a spat.
Flynn then dreams about a horse statue and some woman who was in Quantum of Solace who beckons him to her. Flynn recognizes the horse statue as being in New Orleans and races off where he picks up his standard buddy cab driver who can hook Flynn up everywhere. Obviously part of New Orleans' program to get in tourists.
Blah blah blah, Flynn wanders into a club where the mystery woman is singing.
Surprise! She's the guardian of a medallion that shows the way to the Judas Challis. Never heard of the Judas Challis? Why not? It's only the cup made with the 30 pieces of silver Judas got for betraying Christ. And Judas was the very first vampire. Well, DUH, story. Please don't insult my intelligence. Everyone knows that. Pretty sure it's in the Bible.
Chasing, running, Bob Newhart doing magic tricks in a barber shop, palling around with his standard-issue cab-driver buddy and Surprise! Flynn knows the professor working with the Russians who's pretending to be held against his will, but actually is happy to be there. Did I mention that the reason the Russians are in this is because they want to raise Dracula from the dead in order to restore Russia to its former glory? It should be mentioned.
More chasing and running...I assume. I was off watching Harry Potter. I'm not quite sure why since I have that movie on DVD. Hmmm.
But I eventually turned back and Surprise! Dream girl is a VAMPIRE! Dun dun duuuuuun.
More Surprise! Professor guy is also a vampire! Bigger DUNS. And he has the Judas Challis and is creating...zombie vampires. Or something. Not quite clear on that one.
Chasing, running AND yelling going on while I was back at Harry Potter, then OMG Flynn does a Buffy on him and stakes him. He burns up in Flynn's personal space - you'd have thought Flynn might have taken a step back or two - and yay! The threat is over. I assume. I wandered off and didn't go back.
I'll also assume that vampire girl trekked back to the Library and she and Flynn lived happily ever after, spending their days trying not to walk in on Bob Newhart and Jane Curtin.
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Rassin-frassin' Anne Rice.
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It's totally in Leviticus. In with the laws concerning molten gods.
I totally love the Librarian movies. They're completely camp, but in a fun way rather than a crappy 'why am I watching this' way.
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The Librarian movies completely rock. And not just because I work in a library, or the fact that my boss talks exactly like Bob Newhart (though my boss does not magically appear on my TV, my bathroom mirrors, or in near-death visions of me and him hanging out on the beach dressed in white while flying a kite). You just have to love the movies for their utter gleeful silliness.
Plus, they totally hit up the crystal skull thing two years before Spielsburg and Co. did. And they are responsible for lines like "Hippos love chocolate."
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Ohhhhhh, I get it. It's a secret. A sparkly secret. *taps nose*
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Oh that's right!
I totally love the Librarian movies. They're completely camp, but in a fun way rather than a crappy 'why am I watching this' way.
The only way it would be better is if they had Bruce Campbell in them. :D
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Pfffft! He's obviously slacking!
Plus, they totally hit up the crystal skull thing two years before Spielsburg and Co. did. And they are responsible for lines like "Hippos love chocolate."
I don't remember hippos love chocolate. Do they? :D
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OHMYGOD. That would be so awesome.
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And vampire girl *poofed* in the end, after watching the sunrise with Flynn.
Dude, the Librarian *rocks*!
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