mrv3000 | Fic: It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas

This is in response to

splash_the_cat's Christmas challenge where...well, what would be the fun if I told you?

Very short and stupid. Hey, it's a parody! Smoochies to

poohmusings for determining that it wasn't *too* stupid. Just stupid enough.

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas
Rated: PG-13 for language
Season: Um...season 6 or prior?
Spoilers: Ha! None.

"You have a go, Colonel."

Jack fidgeted under the steely gaze of General Hammond. "Go? Sir?"

The general's eyes narrowed. "Don't make me repeat myself, son."

Jack shifted in his chair and looked around for help. Daniel was scribbling on his notepad with one hand and shielding his face with the other, Carter was looking everywhere but towards the head of the conference table, and Teal'c...well, he always knew Teal'c used briefings for power Kelnorims.

'Well, fuck,' Jack thought in the back corner of his mind where the FCC couldn't reach him.

"Dismissed," the general barked as he got up and marched out the door.

Jack stared at his teammates. "Okay, what the hell do we have a 'go' for?"

"No clue."

"I've got nothing."

"I have no knowledge of any mission."

"Just great." Jack sighed.

He watched as Daniel flicked his eyebrows up and down. Well, everyone needed a hobby. "Something on your mind, Danny?"

"Thought I told you never to call me that, you son of..." he mumbled into his notepad.

Jack was pretty sure he no longer got any respect whatsoever. Probably had been all the whoring...or rather...all the deep, meaningful bonds he had established with alien women while drugged. That seemed to happen a lot. But at least he wasn't the biggest slut of the team, that title went to...

"Daniel Jackson?"

"Yes, Teal'c?"

"Would you be willing to switch your Secret Santa with me?"

Daniel glanced up at him. "Sure, Sam's hard to buy for anyway."

Uh...wait a minute. Jack stared at Carter who suddenly started to squirm in her chair.

"There must some mistake, Daniel Jackson, for I am the one who drew Major Carter's name."

Why that little... "Hello! Me too. Carter?"

Carter coughed. "Sir? Shouldn't we be getting to that mission?"

"Oh, that Chia Pet is *so* going back to the store."

*

Chevron Guy, or "Walter" as he liked to be called now, had been absolutely no help in determining where the Gate would be spitting them out.

Happily the planet seemed to be deserted.

Sadly, there was nothing but snow for miles.

After a disturbingly lengthy discussion between Daniel and Teal'c involving the question of whether one could literally freeze his balls off, Jack ordered them to split up and find firewood, which in fact had become their primary mission considering that the general had mostly likely cracked.

As the word "testcicle" hung in the air, Jack and Carter marched off towards magnetic north, the snow crunching beneath their feet.

"So, Carter. Got any plans for Christmas?"

"Yeah, the usual - getting together with Janet to drink wine and talk about Cassie."

"Brrr." It seemed like the appropriate response. Jack rubbed his arms to emphasize his point.

Suddenly Carter stopped and pointed. "Sir! Tree...things!"

She was right. About a hundred yards ahead were tall, prickly, dangly tree...things. They quickened their pace to the tree..thing forest.

"Wow. This is really..." The sunlight danced as it filtered down through the things.

Jack took off his sunglasses. "Beautiful?"

"Yeah."

"Yeah."

Carter reached up to a dangly part of the tree thing. "Sir? I think this low-hanging stuff is mistletoe."

Jack walked up next to her and looked up as well. "Really? Are you sure?"

"It certainly looks that way."

Was it his imagination, or was there now a sparkle in her eyes that hadn't been there before? "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

She flashed him a dazzling smile. "I think I am...sir."

He smiled back as he gazed into her eyes. "Carter?"

"Sir?"

"We've got kindling!"

-End-