Torchwood

Ghost Machine

You know, this started out VERY cool. And then kinda got boring. It ended up being about this kid and this old dude when I was expecting more to come from this bit of alien technology. Eh.

1st half: thumbs up

2nd half: *wanders off*

Cyberwoman

Sweet merciful crap. They let Ianto stay after that? Seriously? No, SERIOUSLY? And fucking hell, there's a body in the basement now! Gonna ever tell people about that one Ianto?

So there's Lisa. While she is in a metal bikini, she seems very Lisa-like, complete with - I don't know - EMOTIONS. Shhhhh. I know I'm not supposed to realize that. They get her breathing on her own and BAM. Suddenly she's Cyberbabe 2000. Ianto doesn't care. She kills a guy. Ianto sorta cares. Well, cares in that he seems fairly squicked, but he is sobbing about the fact that he probably won't be able to bring Lisa home to mother after this. So points, and all that.

Everyone rightfully freaks out upon finding Lisa because it relates to The Battle of Canary Wharf^TM and they still can't watch Doomsday. Lisa zaps Ianto and then zaps Jack. Gwen and Owen climb into an autopsy locker (I really don't think I want to know why Torchwood has so many autopsy lockers) where they make out and Owen puts the wood in Torchwood. (See what I did there? Ha! Joke.)

And here's where it gets weird.

*waits for the laughter to die down*

Okay, here's where it gets weird. I now remember people talking about this back when it aired, but completely forgot about it. Jack has magical life-giving lips! He made out with Ianto which brought him either out of unconsciousness or back to life. Not CPR - nononono. Jack went to town. Jack has magical lips of life.

So Ianto wakes up due to Jack's LoL and still wants to rescue Lisa, but Jack squirts BBQ sauce on her and Myfanwy goes to town. Sort of. Looks like she soon lost interest. What does Myfanwy do all day? Then there's yelling and guns waving around, and the pizza finally arrives from like hours ago when Ianto ordered it. Lisa likes the looks of the pizza girl very much and decides to take her body. And she does it all for Ianto. Or would have if she had emotions and all. Ianto doesn't shoot her because they shared a sleeping bag once. The rest of Torchwood, however, did not share a sleeping bag with her and shoots.

It ends with Jack giving Ianto the head-nod (which is man code for "you just tried to kill us all because of your psycho girlfriend, but it's cool"), and Ianto quietly plotting Jack's downfall, being sure to sleep with him many, many times first.