Star Wars, nothing but Star Wars...

[mrv3000]

No, I haven't seen III yet. I'm seeing it this coming weekend with friends. The problem is that one of my friends is *not* sci-fi minded and wouldn't be able to pick out Chewbacca in a lineup of humans. So I've been thinking of things to give her so that she'll be able to follow the sixth third movie.



- Part I – There's Something About Sith -

Qui-Gon: The young one can drive a pod racer very well. Plus he made C3PO. The Force must be strong with this one.

Obi-Wan: Really? 'Cause I'm not really getting anything. I mean, he doesn't even have a hyphen in his name.

Qui-Gon: I think we'll keep him and being my servant, I mean apprentice, you get to walk him.

Obi-Wan: Well shit.

Anakin: But what about my mother?

Qui-Gon: We don't want her. She did the nasty with a Sith.

Anakin: Don't mention my mother!! *rage rage rage*

Padmé: That's so cuuuuute!

Jar Jar: Me so wanna cramta!

Obi-Wan: What?

Jar Jar: Cramta! Cramta!

Obi-Wan: Does anyone understand this thing?

Anakin: No.

Padmé: No.

Qui-Gon: No.

Audience: No.

Obi-Wan: Oh God, it's pulling down its pants! *whips out lightsaber*

Padmé: Well, I'm off to rule a planet and decide matters of state at the age of 14. And then tell Brittney all about it later and she'd be like, 'duh!' and I'd be like, 'uh, huh!.' And then we're going shopping. Ta!

Anakin: I want to go with her and draw pictures of us holding hands when I'm older and legal!

Obi-Wan: No! Bad Ani! *smacks across the head* You're going to become a monk who plays with his own lightsaber, thank you very much!

Anakin: Crap. Hey, what's happening over there?

Obi-Wan: Qui-Gon! Nooooooooooooooooooo! *mellow rage mellow rage mellow rage*

Anakin: Uh oh. I need to go walkies.

- End Part I -

- Part II – Send in the Clones -

Anakin: You're not my real father!

Obi-Wan: Yes, that's because your mother was a slut.

Anakin: Don't mention my mother!! *rage rage rage*

Padmé: Wow, that is so completely hot!

Jar Jar: Cramta?

Padmé: Oh my God, let's get out of here. Jar Jar? You're in charge until I get back. Now don't go giving away all democratic power while I'm gone, okay?

Jar Jar: Cramta!

Anakin: You know, you sitting here in this field of flowers and looking all pretty reminds me...

Padmé: Yes?

Anakin: ...reminds me of my mother.

Padmé: Oh good grief.

Anakin: Mother was so great.

Padmé: Here we go.

Anakin: Someday I'd like to marry mother.

Padmé: What?!

Anakin: A *girl* like mother. Yes. Hey, let's go visit!

Padmé: Well, I don't know.

Anakin: I'm coming, Mommy!!

Obi-Wan: Wow, that's a whole lot of clones and I know I'm supposed to be disturbed, but *damn* that's cool. Who knew Stormtroopers had a backstory?

Tall Alien: Would you like to meet Jango Fett? Father of *Boba* Fett?

Obi-Wan: Get. Out. That is so wicked!

Anakin: Mother is...is DEAD. WOE. WOE. *RAGE RAGE RAGE*

Padmé: Wow, that is so completely hot!

Anakin: *sulk*

Padmé: Whoops. Gotta go save Obi-Wan.

Anakin: He's not my real father, you know.

Obi-Wan: Oh, *finally* you come to rescue me. Of course, you get captured yourself. How typical.

Anakin: Oh yeah? Well, you're not...

Obi-Wan: ...your real father. Yadda yadda. Well, maybe I am! You ever think about that?

Anakin: Father?

Obi-Wan: No, wrong movie. But keep that in mind for later.

Audience: Holy shit! R2D2 can fly?

Yoda: Stormtroopers attack, you must.

Stormstroopers: Huzzah!

Yoda: Now go kick ass, I must.

Audience: Huzzah!

Anikin: *sniff* Mother. 'M' was for the million things she gave me...

Padmé: So. Hot. Let's get married!!

- End Part II -

Comments

[chiroho.livejournal.com]

ROFLAMO!!

You should do those for a living. ;)

[mrv3000.livejournal.com]

Now if only someone would pay me! ;)

[calyx.livejournal.com]

*giggles*

Cramta?

[mrv3000.livejournal.com]

You *don't* want to know. ;)

[sethoz.livejournal.com]

I may be a stupid head and you can ignore me... but I thought it was Qui-Gon who wanted Annie, not Obi? And then Obi was all hurt and rejected cuz Qui-Gon wanted Annie as a padawan instead of Obi, and then Qui's last words were about Annie instead of Obi... ooh, the resentment! Bet Obi is laughing - inside - that he was right and Annie was a 'patethic' lifeform afterall...

[sethoz.livejournal.com]

D'oh! I forgot to add, very funny, made me laugh and wooo for the Fett family!

[mrv3000.livejournal.com]

Oh, it probably was Qui-Gon who wanted Anakin. It's been so long since I saw the first one and I wasn't about to go back and endure the Jar Jar pain again. :D Hmm. Maybe I'll tweak. Or maybe I'll go to work. Ack! Late!

[lyssie.livejournal.com]

*giggles*

Well, considering I've avoided the other two, I had no problems being boredfollowing the third. But, er, if there is no SF inclination....

[mrv3000.livejournal.com]

It could be interesting with her. I have a feeling she'll be coming out of the theater saying, "I didn't get it."

[nandamai]

HAHAHAHAHA!

It was Qui-Gon who wanted to keep the brat, though. All the other Jedi knew he was a bad seed. So really, it's all Qui-Gon's fault. Probably because he was stoned. (Ref. Sith Academy.)

[mrv3000.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah! I totally forgot about the Sith Academy! I'm gonna have to read some of that again! :D

And have changed the beginning to fit more in line with canon. ;)

[sleekuk.livejournal.com]

Brilliant! I only saw Ep I once and haven't seen Ep II as the first was so bad... But I am seeing Ep III on Wednesday so that was very, very helpful!

[mrv3000.livejournal.com]

*snicker*

Glad to be of help! :D

[wiliqueen.livejournal.com]

Must be geeky and point out that Amidala is 14 in Ep1. But only because that makes the line even funnier.

:: goes back to cackling hysterically ::

(Also, you are going to explain that the "doing the nasty with a Sith" thing, not literally discussed/true? 'Cause otherwise your bud will be hella confused. Not that she probably won't anyway.)

[mrv3000.livejournal.com]

14?? Seriously? What the hell was this planet on? :D

And oh man, there's no way I'm even going to touch the Anakin origin/prophesy and hope it isn't brought up too much in III. Frankly, that whole subplot confuses *me*.

[splash-the-cat.livejournal.com]

*dies*

[mrv3000.livejournal.com]

Yay! I get to give mouth-to-mouth! *licks lips*

[mylo1012.livejournal.com]

very funny even though i still have no clue what its about :)

(ps. Never saw a sw movie in my life (just some scenes with a little dude in some space race))

[mrv3000.livejournal.com]

*snicker*

(And if you ever do get the urge, see the originals.)

[stef94.livejournal.com]

OMG *dies*

Good thing I read this one at home tonight, and not in the office early tomorrow morning ;-)

That was sooo funny! *dies more*

I'm off to see pt 3 on Wednesday. I caught pt 2 by accident on tv last Friday, so I'm up to speed, although your 60 second version covers it pretty well ;-)
And would've saved me 2hrs of boredom ;-)

[mrv3000.livejournal.com]

HA! :D

Yeah, I caught Episode 2 last night and happened to get on the phone with my brother during part of it. Much mockage ensued. :D

[lifelongfling.livejournal.com]

Bwahahahaha! *loves*

[mrv3000.livejournal.com]

*g*

Hope it'll help my friend! ;)

[angst-angel.livejournal.com]

Qui-Gon: I think we'll keep him and being my servant, I mean apprentice, you get to walk him.

Hahahahaha. You are too funny, Michelle. :D

*pats teh SW*

[mrv3000.livejournal.com]

*snicker* :D

3 more days until I see it! Yay!

[starbuck92.livejournal.com]

Qui-Gon: We don't want her. She did the nasty with a Sith.

*soda goes flying all over the keyboard*

[mrv3000.livejournal.com]

HA!