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BOXES OF MAIL
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aj wanted a fic with Thor and Ned Nickerson.After two separate incidents involving live turkeys, Happy Meal toys, and JATO rockets, S.H.I.E.L.D. adopted its "Mental Health" Policy (complete with quotes) for its operatives and friends of operatives. (Because what good is Tony Stark if Pepper Potts is off communicating with dolphins due to a completely expected mental break?) For each person it involved different things. For Bruce Banner it was his own room full of bunnies to pet, for Tony Stark it was a giant 20-foot mirror with applauding soundtrack, and for Clint Barton internet robots would periodically cause his name to trend on twitter. (Joined in by many non-robot tweets of "i luv mash!")
This is how Thor, God of Thunder, King of Asgard, and all-around Dude, found himself in a speeding convertible with Ned Nickerson, teenage boyfriend of S.H.I.E.L.D.'s latest acquisition: Nancy Drew.
"SO YOU SAY THIS IS AN HONORED EARTH TRADITION?"
*THUNK*
"Yeah, bro." Ned stepped down on the gas pedal in the hopes that the next one would go flying.
"EXPLAIN TO ME AGAIN THESE BOXES OF MAIL, AND WHY IT IS GOOD TO DESTROY THEM."
"Um... It's therapeutic?"
Thor frowned mightily at the word.
Ned tried again. "Sometimes people get bad mail? You know, bills and junk and stuff."
"AH, LIKE THE HERALDS OF MY WORLD. WE ALSO HIT THEM FOR BRINGING ILL TIDINGS."
"Cool."
"YES, COOL."
"Although I probably should say that most people use a bat. To do the hitting."
"THE PUNY WOODEN STICK, YES?"
"Yeah, I've guess you've got that hammer. You could use that."
"THERE WOULD BE NO SPORT."
"Or, I don't know, a helmet?"
"HA HA HA HA. MANY THINGS HAVE HIT MY HEAD THROUGHOUT MY LIFE. THESE BOXES OF MAIL ARE BUT ASGARDIAN FEATHERS."
*THUNK*
"Right. Well, I think we got them all on this street."
"EXCELLENT. LET US CELEBRATE WITH SOME ALE, SON OF NICKER."
"Erm, I'm 17."
"WELL DONE."
"No, I mean... OK!"
Granted, the headline "Cape-Wearing Alien Arrested for Delinquency of Minor" wasn't S.H.I.E.L.D.'s best press ever, but it was better than the turkeys. Much, much better.
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BEST CROSSOVER EVER WRITTEN. EVER.
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They really could!
(this is hilarious, though. *snickers a lot*)
Thanks! :D
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Hee!
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