mrv3000 | To all those whom I apparently control:

Current Mood: pleased
Current Music: Dancing Queen - ABBA

Entry tags:

To all those whom I apparently control:

I'm sitting here looking at the latest "...it's all Michelle's fault..." wondering what I've done to deserve this again, when it hit me. Why the hell am I fighting this? Apparently I have powers. Persuasive powers. Why can't I just run with that? So in that spirit, I am issuing the following decrees:

josephides shall immediately commence co-writing the third installment of the Dark and Stormy fics: Return of the Cheese.
suzvoy shall sprint back to the safe arms of Sam/Jack where she will complete any and all outstanding WIPs so long as they don't interfere with her Remedies series.
nandamai shall continue to write lovely Sam/Jack smut, preferably using the phrase "greased weasels" as much as possible. After all, you can never say, "going at it like a pair of greased weasels" often enough in life.
hyari shall write more parodies as they amuse me so. Slash parodies shall be acceptable.
spikesbuffy shall continue making endless screen captions, as they also amuse me.
familyarchives shall continue making SG icons. Again, they cause much amusement.

I believe I have issued specific demands to all those I know I control. If I missed you but you really feel I control you, go get me a cookie.

Oh, and if you think I'm serious about any of this, then I'm really, really sad for you. Really.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Daniel and Teal'c, walking along the corridor discussing... something archaeology related... paused.

Teal'c looked at Daniel.

Daniel looked at Teal'c.

"Daniel Jackson... I believe now we must go to the women's locker room and interrupt what could potential be a romantic moment between Colonel O'Neill and Major Carter."

Daniel blinked. "You mean... we should go and butt in before they get it on?"

"That's exactly what I mean, DanielJackson."

"Just checking."

Sam apparently needed to brush up on her CPR. She didn't *think* the victim was supposed to be moving his mouth. Or holding the back of her head with his hand. But...she wasn't sure. It had been a while since she had taken the class.

This was really, really hot though. She should have offered to give CPR to her CO a *long* time ago.

Suddenly the door burst open in a show of amazing and frustrating timing.

"Shit!" Jack and Sam yelled, Sam wishing for the first time since her CO had walked in the door that she actually had some clothes on.

Daniel, eyeing the scene before him, turned to Teal'c. "You owe me fifty bucks."

"No, Daniel Jackson, you owe *me* fifty bucks," Teal'c replied.

Daniel put his hands on his hips. "How do you figure that out, then? I said they'd get together before the 25th March."

"And I said they would 'get together' on base."

"But then *I* said it would probably be in the women's locker room."

"That is true, but I must point out that I was the one who...."

Suddenly, Janet burst through the door, panting. "Hi guys!" she said.

"Janet, what are you doing here?" Daniel asked, frowning down and down and down at her.

Janet looked up and up and up at him. "Um... I'm not supposed to be here?" she asked.

"No. You're not in this scene."

Janet blinked. "Oh. Right," she said, glancing at Nekkid!Sam and Colonel O'Neill. She raised her eyebrows at them. "Teal'c, you owe me fifty bucks."

"DoctorFraiser, I do not owe you fifty bucks!"

Sam sighed and tried to stand up. Which was hard considering the tight grip her CO had on her arm. She was beginning to suspect that he wasn't really unconscious after all. That, and he did yell "shit!" just now. He was still lying on the floor though, his eyes closed and his lips puckered. But she could swear he kept peeking at her through his eyelashes.

She really wished she had some clothes. She was starting to get cold.

That was it. The Colonel had plenty of color in his cheeks (quite a bit actually) - he was going to be fine. She wrested her arm away and grabbed her blue BDUs. Instinctively she looked back at her CO. Hmm. Green. She quickly put the blue back and grabbed the correct color.

Jack mentally sighed. At least, he really hoped he sighed mentally, but it was entirely possible - given the level of frustration he was experiencing - that he might have sighed out loud.

Carter had gone and got changed elsewhere. No more Nekkid!Carter and definitely no more kissing.

He sat up and glared at Teal'c, Daniel and the Doc.

Doc Fraiser cleared her throat. She gave Teal'c a stern look, "We'll discuss the money later."

"We shall indeed," Teal'c said, swallowing slightly. He was just a little afraid of Doc Fraiser.

Janet gave Jack one last fulminating look, and left. Teal'c decided it was probably best if he left too. To visit... his son. On Chulak. Yeah.

"Jack?" Daniel said.

"What?"

"What were you doing in the women's locker room in the first place?"

Jack cleared his throat, nervously, and stood up. "I was... checking... someone had said the women's lockers were nicer than the men's. I wanted to make sure that it was an... unsubstantiated rumour."

Daniel blinked some more. He looked around. "Well, they do have that built in widescreen plasma TV," he pointed out, in the interest of helping Jack with his enquiry. "And a couple of couches. A popcorn maker. And, cool, the whole of FRIENDS on DVD. Don't you just hate Ross?"

"I don't watch FRIENDS. But, yeah, I do hate Ross. We'd better get out of here before Carter realizes I wasn't unconscious."

"You weren't unconscious?"

Jack shoved Danny out of the room.

Jack and Daniel walked down the hallway, Jack occasionally flicking rubber bands from his pocket at Daniel. Just for the hell of it.

Ahead of them the elevator doors slid open.

Both Jack and Daniel froze, thinking the exact same thought at the exact same time.

Damn!

Out of the elevator stepped forth the most beautiful woman placed on God's green creation. Her long, blond hair shimmered even under the florescent lights, which made her violet eyes sparkle. Her clothes fit her perfectly and looked fantastic on her, although she could have been wearing a burlap bag and she still would have looked fabulous.

She walked towards them, her step so light that it appeared her feet never touched the ground. She gave them both a charming smile.

Jack and Daniel gulped in unison.

"Hi. My name's Jojo Michelle."

Sam wandered out of the women's locker room and followed the trail of elastic bands there were littering the ground. Hmm. Looked like the Colonel and Daniel had come this way, she thought, scooping up a couple and pocketing them.

She turned a corner and her mouth dropped open.

Holy Hannah!

"Hubba hubba!"

Sam dragged her eyes away from the vision talking to the Colonel and Daniel and saw that Janet, too, had her mouth open.

"You know, if she wasn't obviously a really nice person, generous, kind, intelligent, good with children and a marvellous cook," Janet said, "I would be really jealous of her."

"Yeah. She looks like the type who... realizes that certain men are unavailable, doesn't she?"

"Oh yeah. Of course."

Janet and Sam narrowed their eyes.

"Still... it wouldn't do to... be too lax around her, would it?" Janet suggested.

"No, no, certainly not. I wonder what conditioner she uses..."

Jojo Michelle spotted the two women standing a little ways down the hallway. She could tell by the looks on their faces that clearly the two men in front of her were taken. Oh, secretly taken, but taken just the same. She had the feeling that she and the two women would become lifelong friends, so she had to put their minds at ease.

"Excuse me boys," she beamed at Jack and Daniel.

They grinned stupidly at her.

Janet eyed Jojo Michelle coming towards them and fingered her needle. She *looked* like she could become one of her best friends, spending countless hours with her and Sam, drinking wine and talking about men, but one couldn't be too careful.

Sam looked down and down at Janet. Then even down further to Janet's hand fingering the needle. "Jan," she whispered. "Let's see what she has to say first."

Janet nodded.

Jojo Michelle bounced up to them. "Hi. My name's Jojo Michelle."

Sam and Janet grinned at each other. How could they have ever thought anything but good things?

"So, what time should we get together for girls night tonight?" Janet began.

They quickly all agreed on 7 and began to discuss what they would wear. Just about the time Sam was going to ask about Jojo Michelle's conditioner, the klaxons sounded.

"Aw crap," Sam muttered, unhappy with cutting short girl time with one of her new best friends. "It's always something."

"Should I come too?" Jojo Michelle asked. She knew she would be able to help, but didn't want to step on any toes.

Sam breathed a sigh of relief. She didn't want to have to beg. "Oh yes! Thank you! I have a feeling there's going to be a problem that only you can take care of."

In the control room, Jojo Michelle and Sam were leaning over the computer keyboards, typing in stuff really really fast with their nimble long fingers. Both were oblivious to the audience of men that had mysteriously migrated to the control room to watch, with awe, as they worked their brainy goodness on the Stargate systems.

"Major Carter... Major... Van'Eng-Bosslish," he said, recalling (faintly) some kind of transfer for the supremely talented Jojo Michelle from some other base in the US to the SGC, "just what exactly are you doing?"

"Well, sir," Jojo Michelle began, her eyes on the screen and typing away - she could multitask like nobody's business, "basically the sub-parli light beam accelerator lightbulbs and photon micro-busters highlighter maxi phonomono combobulator thingymajiggy has gone kaplooey."

"Kaplooey?" Colonel O'Neill asked.

"Kaplooey, sir," Major Carter agreed, "kinda like Kawoosh! except... not."

Daniel frowned, pouted, and crossed his arms. Teal'c glanced at him. Was he confused? Angry? Happy? Irritated? Who knew? These humans were so difficult to read, he thought.

"There!" Jojo Michelle exclaimed triumphantly.

"Oh, great, you fixed it," Sam said, grinning from ear to ear. "I just knew you would. Sir, can she be on SG-1 with us?"

"Sure! Sir?" the Colonel said, turning to his own CO.

Hammond nodded. "Great idea! But only, you know, temporary, while we wait for her to couple up the whole of the SGC. Then her work here will be done."

Jojo Michelle smiled.

Beautifully.

Jack's mind had actually glazed over at the word "basically." Unable to multitask himself, he instead went back to thinking about Carter. Sure Jojo Michelle was incredibly fantastic, but his heart belonged to his 2IC who was exactly two pay grades below him. If only he could figure out a way around the whole "regulations" thing. He had never been one for regulations, but felt compelled to try and think of an incredibly ridiculous way around it instead of just breaking it.

Letter from the President had always been high on his list, but he had been kicked out of the Oval Office the last time. That was probably out for now.

Maybe they could...no. That would involve too many sheep.

Vaguely in the distance he heard something about Jojo Michelle being on SG-1. Good, thought the tiny, itty-bitty, pea-sized part of his brain that wasn't used for Carter. The same part that was used for breathing. And apparently the small part was so pleased that it asked Hammond for approval.

But back to Carter.

Maybe it would work to...YES!!

Jack grabbed Daniel by the collar and started dragging him out of the room. He nodded to Teal'c to join them because he always hated it when T got left out.

Pushing Daniel into his lab (although he never knew why it was called a lab when there was just a bunch of books and artifacts in it - more of an office really - well, maybe an office/lab), he immediately picked up the most fragile object in the room to see how bouncy it was.

"Daniel, I need to know if there are any planets out there that have any strange kinds of rituals. Uh, wedding-type rituals. Maybe something where the team would be in danger if, say...oh I don't know, Carter and I didn't get married right on the spot. Bonus points, and a gigantic cup of your favorite mountain-blend java roast coffee, for any tribe that requires consummation."

".... and that's why, I think we should go to P3W SEX tomorrow," Daniel finished. He cleared his throat and glanced up at Jack, who was nodding appreciately. Daniel could bullshit with the best of them.

"Let me get this straight," Hammond said, "you want to go to this planet because... otherwise you'll stamp your feet and be Pouty!Daniel for the rest of your life?"

Daniel cleared his throat. "Yeah. That's pretty much it."

Hammond blinked. "Well that's a very persuasive argument there, son. You have a mission, SG-1."

Jojo Michelle grinned and picked up everyone coffee cups and drinking glasses - she wanted to be helpful and put them away. "Sounds like fun, Daniel. Why don't you ask Dr Fraiser to come?"

"Ah, Major Van'Eng-Bosslish, things don't quite work like that around here..."

Jojo Michelle's smile broadened and she flicked her golden locks over her shoulders and blinked her long, long, long, sweeping eyelashes. "Oh?"

"Um... that is... yeah. Okay. Dr Fraiser can go."

Daniel silently yessed! and punched the air, while Jack grinned lasciviously at Sam.

"Just what's so great about this planet," Sam whispered to Jojo Michelle as they left the briefing room for their girlie bonding lunch with Janet.

"Oh... it's a surprise. Wear nice underwear," Jojo Michelle suggested.

"'K," Sam said, trusting her brand spanking new best friend implicitly.

Back up at my section - insert this as first line:

Actually, Jack's mind had glazed over way back at the word "basically" - fortunately saving his brain from having to contemplate "sub-parli" or worse yet, "micro-busters."

frowning down and down and down at her.

You know, I really never tire of this joke. *g* Wonder why? Maybe because I'm not short.

You know - she's probably not that short. It's just that AT, RDA and the others are all freakishly tall...

Hey! They're not freakishly tall. :( If AT is the height they mentioned on the show (5'9"-10"), then I'm the same height as her.

Then you, too, are freakishly tall.

But, having said that, British women are on average very short - shortest in Europe, I think. I'm 5'6" which is considered... normal.

Weirdly, two of my best friends are 5;9". Have spent my whole life looking up at them.

Sucks to be me.

Sucks to be me.

No, because you can buy normal clothes. So many times the pant legs or the sleeves are too short.

No, because you can buy normal clothes. So many times the pant legs or the sleeves are too short.

No. But I do buy trousers that are too long for me. Then I feel short.

Poor Janet. Suddenly find myself empathising...

I just figured I'd interject here that I'm 5'7". Not that anybody asked.

I'm just bored.

Okay, now if we find someone who's 5'8", me, you, the other person and Michelle will be in perfect height...

Okay. Think I'll go back to the footsie fic.

Er... I'm 5'8". With red hair, if that helps.

Woohoo!

Wait... I'm the shortest. That's not good.

Dammit, now I'm really empathising with Janet.

But, heh, I'm the youngest too *g*...

And I'm 5'5" This is working out perfectly.

Heh. See you've gotten to the end of the first part.

Re: Return of the Cheese

Re: Return of the Cheese

Re: Return of the Cheese

Re: Return of the Cheese

Re: Return of the Cheese

Re: Return of the Cheese

Re: Return of the Cheese

Re: Return of the Cheese

Re: Return of the Cheese

Re: Return of the Cheese

Re: Return of the Cheese

Re: Return of the Cheese

Re: Return of the Cheese

Re: Return of the Cheese

Re: Return of the Cheese

Re: Return of the Cheese

Re: Return of the Cheese

Re: Return of the Cheese

Re: Return of the Cheese

Re: Return of the Cheese

Re: Return of the Cheese

Re: Return of the Cheese

Re: Return of the Cheese

Re: Return of the Cheese

Re: Return of the Cheese