Blogging from the end of the universe.

[mrv3000]

Yup, sorry. Martha's got another blog post after DW's Utopia. I went and MST-ed. Italics are the original.

Everything’s gone wrong.

First off, this damn superphone barely gets a signal at the edge of the universe. Bit of rubbish that. However, I am determined thumb this message out using punctuation and capitalization.

I pretty much saw the end of the human race today and everything's changed.

Well, the human race didn't really end, but let's not get technical. I'm trying to be dramatic.

So I'm sitting here with this big decision to make. The biggest decision I'll ever have to make. A decision that means I might... well, it's big.

That's right. I might choose to wear my hair down this go-round. There. I said it.

And the Doctor can say what he likes about blogging but I'm going back and reading my earlier entries and it's helping.

Jack can take care of those monsters, after all. Well...humans with filed teeth and really bad hair. Can't really call them monsters. Anyway, I need some me-time.

Those first posts feel like they were written years ago by a different person but it's my life. It's everything I've done.

Ah look. The first time I bitched about Rose. *sighs* Takes me right back.

"Morgenstern was the one who suggested I start doing all this. He reckons that writing things down helps make it all make sense in your head."

Audience: *tries to remember who the hell Morgenstern was and fails*

And oh was he right. That daft nearly-Doctor was right.

Audience: Oh, was he that blond guy? No, wait. One of the rhino police? Did rhino police tell you to blog?? Damn, that's evil.

Because there's just so much to think about right now and it's all swirling around inside my head... the end of the human race. The end of the Universe.

Well, ignoring all that pesky hope of living going on. But that was all kinda subtle, so think I'll ignore that bit.

The Doctor being even bigger than I thought.

Doctor/Martha fen: WOOOOOO!!!!!!

The last thing the Face of Boe said. The Master. Harold Saxon. My mum.

OH MY GOD, MY MUM IS THE MASTER!!!! Wait...

What's going to happen to me...

Goddammit, Jack! Deal with it yourself! I'M BUSY!

So, let's write it down. Let's put it in order.

*shakes off thumb cramp*

It all started in Cardiff. Yeah, I know. Cardiff.

The Doctor promised me the stars, but I got Cardiff. Asshole.

We went there so the TARDIS could refuel and before we knew it we were just so far into the future that all the stars were gone.

And the Doctor promised! DAMMIT! I'm starting to think this is Rose's fault.

And we saw the end of the human race and met this man called Captain Jack Harkness. You know what, on any other day I'd probably be sitting here telling you how fit he was but, right now, that doesn't seem remotely important. But yeah, he was something else all right J

Ooops. Thumb slipped. Anyway, being fit has come in *slightly* handy as... IN A MINUTE, JACK!

Thing is, he used to travel with the Doctor. Oh, and lovely Rose, of course.

Audience: Ohhhh. That was sarcasm. For a second there we thought you could say that word without going apeshit.

But the Doctor left him behind. They were best mates and he just left him behind. And it's made me think two things. Firstly, is that what he'd do with me? Just one day leave me behind, a million miles away from home. I mean, I never thought the Doctor'd do anything like that but then, this is a man who lost one of his hands and then apparently grew a new one.

And you know what they say about people who can grow hands back. That's right. They leave people behind.

Jack keeps his old one in a jar – don't ask!

Audience: But what if we want to ask? *asks*

Secondly though, and again reading the old blog entries really makes me think... when did I last speak to Julia? When did I last think about Keisha?

Audience: Who *are* these people?

After the Pentallian thing, I phoned my mum and said I'd call round for dinner. But I didn't. Travelling with the Doctor, doing all this... I'm not saying you become selfish but there is an element of leaving it all behind.

Audience: So why is *all* the Martha character development happening in her blog? RON MOORE, IS THAT YOU??

You get so caught up in Weeping Angels and Daleks and war memorials and living suns... but, everything ends, doesn't it. You can have all the memorials you like but everything ends. I've just been to the end of the Universe where everything dies and I know he says Rose is okay but Jack thought he'd let her die.

Bear with me. There is a cohesive thought in here. About, you know, dying. And thinking about dying. And...dying.

And I'm his best mate now... yeah, all right, I love him...

He doesn't pay attention to me, but it's well and truly love. I have nothing but his best interests at heart. If only he'd stop moaning about Rose. I mean, yeesh! He should be over her by now, right? He'd be so much happier if he'd just stop being sad.

but does it mean I'm safe? I get so distracted by the Doctor and everything that I don't even phone my mum and if I die...

Audience: Behold, the power of a tight suit.

'Chan' Let me tell you about Chanto 'to'.

Jack: *still fighting off monsters* You are *SO* off my "would shag" list now. Okay, maybe not, but I'd only half enjoy it.

Actually, it's probably spelt C'h'aN'to' or something but it doesn't matter.

Pesky personal details are, like, so boring.

She was an alien. The last of her kind. Part of an unrequited love thing. And instead of being all depressed, she was... wonderful. So sweet and lovely and helping the human race to survive. So, no, she doesn't remind me of anyone at all J

Audience: You're talking about the unrequited love part, right? 'Cause...gotta say about the depressed vs. sweet and lovely about it...

But yeah, she was just so funny. She had to say 'Chan' at the start and 'to' at the end of every sentence.

Doctor: *still sobbing over the Master stealing his TARDIS*

Jack: LITTLE HELP???

But, I got her to break that little rule and she loved it but then she died.

Makes you think, doesn't it? About swearing. And death. See? Told you I had a point.

She was killed. She was murdered. By the man she loved.

Jack: I hate you all.

And he was a Time Lord called the Master who, well you won't believe who he else he was.

He was a clown. And a used car salesman from Kent. And the back-end of a pantomime horse for a while.

But yeah, the Doctor was wrong. He wasn't the last of his people. And you'd think that would be a good thing. You know, it would be hope for the future or something.

'Cause if the Doctor can grow back hands, betcha he and another bloke can have babies. Oh HELL. I think I just became jealous of the Master.

But he killed his friend. He killed the person who loved him most. And killing Chanto was just the first thing he did.

Then he had a light snack, the bastard.

He took the TARDIS and left us in the darkness.

Metaphorically and all. There were still lights and stuff.

He went away. And he changed everything.

"Changed everything" in that he took the TARDIS.

He broke everything.

Again, talking metaphorically, because you tend to get deep at the end of the universe. Also, there's a nice restaurant out here.

Everything went wrong.

Martha: *pushes send*

Jack: Right. Monsters have been taken care of. You all can shag me later. Doctor? Wanna zap my Deus ex Machina bracelet so we can go get you your heartbreaking finale?

Doctor: Can't I just go lie down for a bit?

Jack: Nope. You're due for a soul-crushing.

Doctor: *sobs*

Comments

[greenpear.livejournal.com]

This is gonna take some time to get through. I'll read it when I get home.

On another note, do you know any Stargate SG-1 shippers? I've started a project to map out ten years of SG-1 social networking and am asking for help from people that know the subject better than I. If you know anybody send them to the Stargate SG-1 Social Network Analysis post.

[mrv3000.livejournal.com]

HA! I'm pulling for Jack/Thor!

[misssara11.livejournal.com]

DON'T DO THIS WHILE I'M AT WORK!!! I only work two morning a week during the summer, you can't do this stuff while I'm here. For I must read it and try not to guffaw out loud.

It's was a thing of beauty. Truly. Cookie?

[mrv3000.livejournal.com]

Mwahahahahaha! *snatches cookie*

[ashism.livejournal.com]

Heh. I am glad I have you to entertain me while I am at work.

And why do I still not have DW icon? Mystifyingly annoying.

[mrv3000.livejournal.com]

*snickers*

And I really don't know why you do not have a DW icon. *pets new boy-hugging icon*

[jedi_of_urth]

Yeh gods, this time she really was blogging at the end of the universe, in the middle of a fight and the Doctor's heart being ripped out again. How *does* she do it? She's just *so* awesome that she can blog on computers at the end of the universe and still help hold back the Future-kind.

Oh and she can kindly ignore the pat where she overheard the Doctor tell Jack what happened to Rose, and not mention that Jack is all immortale and stuff, and not get the part where Chantho's blind devotion to Yana was *not* a good thing really.

Except that *if* there's any truth to this (of even hinting at what she's thinking), it sounds like she's half way out the door already, in which case, I hope it's true.

[mrv3000.livejournal.com]

How *does* she do it? She's just *so* awesome that she can blog on computers at the end of the universe and still help hold back the Future-kind.

Yes!

Oh and she can kindly ignore the pat where she overheard the Doctor tell Jack what happened to Rose, and not mention that Jack is all immortale and stuff, and not get the part where Chantho's blind devotion to Yana was *not* a good thing really.

Shhhhhhh! Those things bum her out.

Except that *if* there's any truth to this (of even hinting at what she's thinking), it sounds like she's half way out the door already, in which case, I hope it's true.

Kinda implies that, don't it? But I refuse to believe anything without seeing the finale. They've pulled that bait-and-switch one too many times.

[ivydoor.livejournal.com]

Can't...breathe...tears...BWAHAHAHAHA!!!

Oh dear lord, PUHLEEESE tell me you are going to do this with the rest of her posts. This is comedy gold! Too many parts to quote. Just hysterical.

I am so glad I'm at home and not in misssara11's position. I'd be fired so fast.

[mrv3000.livejournal.com]

If her posts are all filled with this much insanity, yes, there will be more MST-ing. :D

[pixiesio.livejournal.com]

BWAHAHAHA!!! Oh, and she really doesn't pay attention to details since she's spelling Chantho's name wrong. ;P

[mrv3000.livejournal.com]

Is it with an extra h? I've been spelling it Chanto.

[darksylvia.livejournal.com]

Then he had a light snack, the bastard.

HAHAHA.

I love all the Jack interjections.

Dude, whoever is writing those blog entries really needs to be replaced.

[beck-liz.livejournal.com]

Thing is, I've heard that they're done by someone who actually writes Big Finish Doctor Who audio plays. Joseph Lidster. I'm not sure how accurate this actually is. So it seems like he should be able to write well, given that I've always heard that Big Finish did a good job. *shrug*

[mrv3000.livejournal.com]

HAHAHA.

I love all the Jack interjections.

*g*

Dude, whoever is writing those blog entries really needs to be replaced.

Erm, yeah.

[beck-liz.livejournal.com]

You are awesome. I about died laughing through great whole bunches of this.

My favorite Jack interjection: "Jack: LITTLE HELP???" Because that so sounds like Jack. But all of his interjections were wonderful.

Audience: So why is *all* the Martha character development happening in her blog? RON MOORE, IS THAT YOU??

But with that? I about busted a gut. Indeed. *Teal'c eyebrow* Ron Moore, is that you hiding behind the curtain?

[mrv3000.livejournal.com]

You are awesome. I about died laughing through great whole bunches of this.

*G*

My favorite Jack interjection: "Jack: LITTLE HELP???" Because that so sounds like Jack. But all of his interjections were wonderful.

Poor Jack having to deal with everything while the Doctor cries and Martha blogs.

But with that? I about busted a gut. Indeed. *Teal'c eyebrow* Ron Moore, is that you hiding behind the curtain?

It probably is. *shifts eyes*

[driftingatdusk.livejournal.com]

*giggles and worships* So, so funny...

The last thing the Face of Boe said. The Master. Harold Saxon. My mum.
OH MY GOD, MY MUM IS THE MASTER!!!! Wait...

Hee! That's so how it reads... Though if Martha's Mum is really someone called Mr. Saxon... Well, it would help to explain why the girl is a bit delusional...

And he was a Time Lord called the Master who, well you won't believe who he else he was.
He was a clown. And a used car salesman from Kent. And the back-end of a pantomime horse for a while.

*splutters* *chokes on drink*

He broke everything.

Am trying to think of what other than the security stuff he broke. Martha, on the other hand, and her blog have successfully broken my brain...

... can I claim compensation for that?

*sigh* Can't wait till Rose comes back and pushes Martha out of the TARDIS - preferablly while its still in the vortex.

[mrv3000.livejournal.com]

*giggles and worships* So, so funny...

:)

Hee! That's so how it reads... Though if Martha's Mum is really someone called Mr. Saxon... Well, it would help to explain why the girl is a bit delusional...

It was such a random string of thought. :D

Am trying to think of what other than the security stuff he broke.

I think this was another attempt at being deep, but I'm not quite sure.

Martha, on the other hand, and her blog have successfully broken my brain...

... can I claim compensation for that?

Absolutely!

*sigh* Can't wait till Rose comes back and pushes Martha out of the TARDIS - preferablly while its still in the vortex.

I'd happily settle for Martha going back to become a fantastic doctor.

[chiroho.livejournal.com]

*diez and iz ded from laffing*

Doctor: Martha, get the hell away from that phone!

*zaps with sonic screwdriver*

Doctor: Ahhhhh

;-)

Too funny. I think you missed a calling in life.

[mrv3000.livejournal.com]

BWAH!! I know! It's like...where and when exactly is Martha taking the time to blog? You know what would have been fantastic for this entry? Something like:

- posted to txt from SMS -

OMFFFFFFFG!!!!!!!!

Mwah.

[rjrog77.livejournal.com]

Yesterday I said I think that this is where Martha finally cops herself on about what Rose is to the Doctor.

Today I retract it. It's patently bloody obvious that she's doing nothing of the kind - that, or the Nile ain't just a river in Egypt (my money's on the latter).

Gah. Get a grip, Martha!

[mrv3000.livejournal.com]

I know. I just...she just comes off as not that bright when it comes to this kind of thing. Both in not clueing in and not asking about it.

[nel-ani.livejournal.com]

But yeah, she was just so funny. She had to say 'Chan' at the start and 'to' at the end of every sentence.

Doctor: *still sobbing over the Master stealing his TARDIS*

Jack: LITTLE HELP???

*dies*

But he killed his friend. He killed the person who loved him most. And killing Chanto was just the first thing he did.

Then he had a light snack, the bastard.

*laughs*

Weeeeee!

[mrv3000.livejournal.com]

Mwah! :)

[amarettolime25.livejournal.com]

Who the hell is Keisha? (Laughed my ass off at this, by the way.)

[mrv3000.livejournal.com]

I have not a clue. :D

[nostariel]

BWAHAHAHHAHAAHA!!

MST3K + anything = AWESOME

I still can't believe how idiotic she sounds. Or that the Who Crackteam agreed to have anything to do with MySpace. And how IS she posting to her blog? When DOES she have time to read all her old entires?

And you know what they say about people who can grow hands back. That's right. They leave people behind.

HA! MARTHA USES INSANE TROLL LOGIC!

Jack: I hate you all.

Word.

He was a clown. And a used car salesman from Kent. And the back-end of a pantomime horse for a while.

*starts giggling uncontrollably*

Again, talking metaphorically, because you tend to get deep at the end of the universe. Also, there's a nice restaurant out here.

Why aren't there more Douglas Adams references in the world? Or at least on Doctor Who? WHY, RTD, WHY?

[mrv3000.livejournal.com]

MST3K + anything = AWESOME

:D

HA! MARTHA USES INSANE TROLL LOGIC!

Well, it's *some* kind of logic, anyway...

Why aren't there more Douglas Adams references in the world? Or at least on Doctor Who? WHY, RTD, WHY?

I know! I liked the one we got in The Christmas Invasion. And I'll always believe that 42 really was a nod. :D

[kb91.livejournal.com]

I'm glad I'm reading this at home; I don't think I could explain my laughter if there were other people around, LOL.

You hit all the things I would have said, plus a few dozen more. When I first saw that her blog had been updated, it was like WTF? How the hell is she updating the thing from the end of the universe? So the fact that you made that your overlying theme ... well, I heart you until the end of time! (Which for Martha, may be sooner than we think, if this blog is any indication ... please God)

The Jack comments were priceless -- LITTLE HELP?? -- and I almost lost it on the "My mum is the Master??" and "You know what they say about people who can grow hands back." You're right, that's exactly how it's written!

From the other comments, I see that this blog is actually written by someone who should know what they are doing. You know, it's a sad, sad day when fanfic writers spread their talents for free while people like this get a paycheck. Especially when they get the name of a freakin' character wrong! (Chantho is right -- I checked the credits.) *face palm*

Of course, I just checked last week's entry and no one has bothered to correct "2008" as the year Martha and the Doctor went to see Tim Latimer, so I think it's safe to say that we know/care much more about official websites being ... well officially accurate ... than they do. (Where is my paycheck, dammit??)

But I'm still more than a little amazed that Martha never mentions what she learned about Rose being trapped vs leaving the Doctor, or -- hello!! -- Jack's immortality. Gee, and here I thought the latter was a pretty significant plot point. Silly me. What was I thinking? It's only counts if it's about Martha.

[mrv3000.livejournal.com]

I'm glad I'm reading this at home; I don't think I could explain my laughter if there were other people around, LOL.

Mwah!

You hit all the things I would have said, plus a few dozen more. When I first saw that her blog had been updated, it was like WTF? How the hell is she updating the thing from the end of the universe? So the fact that you made that your overlying theme ... well, I heart you until the end of time! (Which for Martha, may be sooner than we think, if this blog is any indication ... please God)

*snickers*

The Jack comments were priceless -- LITTLE HELP?? -- and I almost lost it on the "My mum is the Master??" and "You know what they say about people who can grow hands back." You're right, that's exactly how it's written!

I *guess* you could understand Martha being a bit scattered, what with the monsters and the stolen TARDIS and all. ;)

From the other comments, I see that this blog is actually written by someone who should know what they are doing. You know, it's a sad, sad day when fanfic writers spread their talents for free while people like this get a paycheck. Especially when they get the name of a freakin' character wrong! (Chantho is right -- I checked the credits.) *face palm*

I should get paid for doing this! I swear all you really needed for this particular entry was "OMFFFG!!!" And people would have loved it!

Of course, I just checked last week's entry and no one has bothered to correct "2008" as the year Martha and the Doctor went to see Tim Latimer, so I think it's safe to say that we know/care much more about official websites being ... well officially accurate ... than they do. (Where is my paycheck, dammit??)

Yeah, no kidding.

But I'm still more than a little amazed that Martha never mentions what she learned about Rose being trapped vs leaving the Doctor, or -- hello!! -- Jack's immortality. Gee, and here I thought the latter was a pretty significant plot point. Silly me. What was I thinking? It's only counts if it's about Martha.

I've gotten to thinking that Martha *should* be freaking out about this, even just a wee bit. The "everything's changed" is nice, but I'd like a bit more. *Especially* on the actual show. She's just learned that the people who travel with the Doctor don't pick up their lives where they left off, which I kinda think she's been thinking she'll do. Jack's this 150-year-old immortal who's been hanging out on Earth after winding up in the wrong year. Rose isn't just happily living elsewhere, she's trapped somewhere.

[kammgirl.livejournal.com]

I think I busted a gut. You are a freaking genius and only those on your filters know the true depth of your brilliance.

He'd be so much happier if he'd just stop being sad.

Bwahahhahah



Are you there Blog?...it's me Martha.

[mrv3000.livejournal.com]

I think I busted a gut. You are a freaking genius and only those on your filters know the true depth of your brilliance.

And by brilliance you mean madness, of course. :D

He'd be so much happier if he'd just stop being sad.

Bwahahhahah

It's true! ;)

Are you there Blog?...it's me Martha.

HA!!!!

[sundaydriver.livejournal.com]

You know? I was wondering on Saturday if there was going to be a blog post from Martha and then I wondered how in the hell she would be able to do all of that, with no TARDIS and being at the end of the universe. Apparently, in between bitching about Rose and not asking Jack what he knows about the Doctor, she found time to put together something. *how clever of her*

Thank you so much for doing this again. You really do make me laugh, which is always a good thing.

Oh, and this:

Doctor: *still sobbing over the Master stealing his TARDIS*

Jack: LITTLE HELP???

*snort* Poor Jack. ;)

[mrv3000.livejournal.com]

You know? I was wondering on Saturday if there was going to be a blog post from Martha and then I wondered how in the hell she would be able to do all of that, with no TARDIS and being at the end of the universe. Apparently, in between bitching about Rose and not asking Jack what he knows about the Doctor, she found time to put together something. *how clever of her*

All hail the superphone!!

Thank you so much for doing this again. You really do make me laugh, which is always a good thing.

Glad you liked it. And I have fun doing these. :D

*snort* Poor Jack. ;)

Good thing Jack's there to handle things while the Doctor has a nervous breakdown and Martha's off blogging. ;)