![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Entry tags:
Fic Commentary
Continued commentary on Signing Up.
Rose slept until the afternoon.
Pete had already been to Torchwood and back, handing over three boxes of equipment. The minute Jackie was distracted, the Doctor began hauling everything out to Rose's guest house. The door wasn't locked, which made him wonder if she'd expected him. Probably.
Rose had been right about the size: smaller on the inside. He'd quietly put the boxes of equipment against the wall, while noticing details about the place. Sofa, coffee table, TV. The kitchen was open to the lounge, not big enough for its own table, but it had some stools next to a counter. It was all clean and bright but there was something off...
It didn't feel very lived-in.
It fit the picture he was starting to piece together of Rose during the last two years. He opened some cupboards. Some condiments and tea. More condiments and a couple bottles of beer in the fridge. He peeled the plastic film from the clock on the microwave. Opening it, he found the instruction manual still inside.
She probably pretty much lived at Torchwood since she'd been here.
The Doctor felt a ridiculous amount of satisfaction that Rose never gave up on him -- that she'd been that committed to getting back to him -- and simultaneously hated the thought that she put her life on hold to this extent.
He wandered into the bathroom. A clean folded bath towel sat on the counter. Yeah, she probably had expected him. He took the toothbrush from his pocket and placed it in the toothbrush holder. The ducks went in the tub.
There. Excellent.
He found other places for other things, including a new temporary home for the TARDIS coral, and then settled in on the boxes. The Doctor nearly had a new sonic screwdriver constructed when he heard noise coming from behind the door to the bedroom.
Rose opened the door, blinked at him and broke into a relieved smile. "You're here."
He smiled back. "Where else would I be? Off looking at Jackie's labour photos? That'd be madness."
"Oh, sorry." She winced. "Should have warned you about that, shouldn't I?"
He pulled at his hair. "See any grey ones?"
Rose chuckled. Bare feet and still in her pyjamas, she joined him on the floor, crossing her legs. "What's this, then?" She tilted a box to look at its contents.
"Oh, this and that. I need a new sonic screwdriver, don't I? And a few other things."
"Yeah, can't imagine you without your sonic screwdriver for very long."
"Hold on... Almost there..." He made a few more adjustments and then pushed the button. It lit up. "Success!"
"Oh yay! What setting is that then?"
"It's the setting that lights it up."
Rose smirked. "Amazing," she remarked dryly.
For the briefest of moments, the Doctor felt as if this could have been years ago. Him working on some gadget on one of their non-travel days, Rose actually interested instead of just pretending. Talking to each other for hours, never wishing for any alone time.
But reality set in. The reality of the guest house. The parallel world. The mere three boxes of things.
He pocketed the screwdriver.
"I didn't want to leave while you were sleeping..." The Doctor noticed the pleased look on her face. "...but now that you're up, I've got to see this Dimension Cannon! Is it really shaped like a cannon?" he asked with a teasing grin.
"Yes," she said, trying not to smile. "I'd strap on a helmet and they'd load me up."
"I've really gotta see this now. Please tell me there were racing stripes on the helmet."
Rose chuckled again. "Let me take a shower and then we can go."
Forty minutes later and they were at a secondary Torchwood facility, set apart from the dense population of London. The Dimension Cannon was housed in a converted warehouse, the machine itself more of an odd collection of computers, refractors and a power source. It looked like a cobbled-together student science project, but technology's firsts were rarely ever sleek.
The Doctor ran his hand over metal protruding from a refractor and smiled broadly. "You built a trans-universal time machine! That's wizard!!"
Rose gave him a funny look.
"Yeah, sorry. Still working on that blurting thing."
She smirked and turned back to the machine. "Well, other people designed it and all. And put it together."
"Ah, but whose idea was it?"
"All right, maybe I had a bit to do with the concept," she said with a smile.
"Rose, you built a time machine." He couldn't stop grinning. He bounded to her and crushed her into a hug. "You are amazing!"
She pulled back with a twinkle in her eye. "Well, you know. But seriously, we had geniuses working on it."
"I can see that. I've got to meet these people."
"Pete was really generous. Really." She moved from him towards the machine, studying it. "Paid for people to work on it that Torchwood would have never been able to get. I don't know how I'll ever be able to thank him. Of course, it didn't seem like such a frivolous thing once the stars started going out. It went from 'project of that insane Tyler girl' to 'salvation of the world' overnight." She touched the control board. "Doesn't work now, I suppose."
"Nope. It's a train without any tracks. And there weren't any tracks when you started either. And you knew there weren't any. What made you think you could get through?"
Rose shrugged. "I had to hope. Hope you were wrong, or that maybe something would change. Didn't want the fabric of reality to be destroyed... We didn't punch any holes ourselves. You've gotta believe that."
"I know."
"But I couldn't do nothing. I had to believe."
Hope. She'd had hope when he'd had none. The Doctor went to her, taking her hand.
"I just can't seem to get the hint when you try to send me away," she said with a sad smile and a sideways glance. He was pretty sure she meant it as a tease, but there was an edge to it.
He wanted to reassure her, to tell her that if given choice, he'd always keep her with him instead of protecting her life, but that seemed a bit like a lie. Even now.
"I never want to. It's a 'have to' thing."
She was silent, shifting her feet.
Pete was right, though. Once Rose decided on something, there was absolutely no stopping her. And she'd decided to be with him -- something she'd had to practically yell at him in order for it to sink in. Unfortunately once it finally got through to him, she... Well, he really didn't want to think about what happened at Canary Wharf.
It should have been impossible. But with the Cannon in front of him now, 'impossible' simply didn't apply to Rose Tyler.
The sound of the door interrupted the silence.
"Rose! Oh, Doctor! Hey!"
"Jake-y boy!" The Doctor let go of Rose's hand to shake Jake's.
"Looks like everything worked out then? Well, I knew that before. Had a clue when the stars came back and we're all still alive," Jake commented.
"Just a hint, then," Rose teased.
"Yeah yeah. I'm being sent back to Torchwood One. Most everyone is. Came by to pick up my stuff."
"None too soon, yeah?" Rose asked.
"Did I ever complain?" Jake countered.
Rose smirked. "All the time?"
"Okay, there might be some celebrating. That reminds me - I can't get Mickey on his mobile. He came back in one piece, didn't he?"
"Oh." Rose shot the Doctor a glance.
Jake's face fell.
"Oh no! He's alive!" Rose quickly said, giving Jake's arm a squeeze.
"Completely and utterly fine!" the Doctor added.
"But...he stayed in the other world, Jake."
"What? Really?" Jake put a hand in his hair.
Rose nodded.
Shock was written on his face. "Just like that?"
"Yeah."
"Didn't even say goodbye first, did he?"
"I'm sorry--" Rose started.
"Nah. Forget it. Good riddance, the tosser." Jake strode out of the room, managing to swipe a stack of papers off a table along the way.
"I'm gonna... I need to go talk to him. Just for a few minutes," Rose apologised.
"No, no! Go ahead. Take all the time you need. Rose, were he and Mickey...?"
"What? Them?" She paused, almost as if the thought had never occurred to her. "Maybe on Jake's part, but I don't think Mickey. I mean, he did just up and leave, didn't he? No goodbyes? Seems pretty definitive, doesn't it?"
There was a sadness in her eyes, and the Doctor had the feeling she might not have been talking about Jake and Mickey anymore. But she turned and left the room before any more was said.
The Doctor had a panel open and was underneath a section of the Cannon when Rose finally came back. He could see her feet walking towards him, then bending down to talk. Just like so many times she'd done before...
"Wow, this is familiar," Rose said. "All that's missing is the console."
The Doctor pushed himself away from the machine to grin at her. "You've been reading my mind." He sat up.
"Got a smudge." She rubbed his nose. "Doctor, how are you doing?"
"Well, I've reviewed the whole system, and I've gotta say, I'm pretty impressed--"
"No," she interrupted. "I mean, how are you doing? Being stuck here?"
He moved to get up and she helped him. He wasn't quite ready to tell her about the TARDIS piece. The last thing he wanted to do was get her hopes up and dash them. She hoped for the both of them before, and it seemed like it should be his turn. "I ever tell you about the time I was stuck on Earth? Grounded, really."
"Seriously? For how long?"
"Years. It was centuries ago. Picked up a job at UNIT as a way to pass the time. So this? This is old hat."
"You miss it though, don't you? Even already."
With every fibre of his being, he didn't say. From her eyes, he didn't have to.
Rose looped her arm through his and pulled him towards the exit. "Come on. Mum called a minute ago. She's insisting we have dinner with them. Something about feeding us or dying. Let's just hope she ordered in."
The Doctor wrinkled his nose.
*
"...and that was right before she banished us!" Rose added, as she and the Doctor tag-teamed telling the story of the werewolf to Pete, Jackie, and a wide-eyed Tony.
"Here we go and save her and she kicks us out like common thugs!"
"Oh, go on," Jackie said. "As if you two were ever knighted."
"Mum, you just heard a story about a werewolf and it's the knighting part that you don't believe?"
"Most the time I can't tell when you're serious and when you're having me on," Jackie complained.
"Sir Doctor," Rose said to the Doctor with a smile.
"Dame Rose," he grinned back.
Pete finished clearing the table, probably a not-so-subtle sign that their dinner (thankfully delivery) was over and actually should have been over two hours ago.
"Well, I'd like to thank you for what I'm sure will be nightmares for my son," Pete said, half jokingly, "but some of us have to work tomorrow. And should have been in bed long ago."
He picked up Tony who had been transfixed by the stories being told, never once fidgeting. Tony started to whine.
"Oh, don't worry," Jackie told him. "You can listen to more stories later."
"And here I thought Tony wasn't supposed to be listening to me," the Doctor reminded her.
"Well, a little might not hurt him," Jackie said, standing. She ruffled the Doctor's hair. "Too much." She took Tony from Pete and the three of them headed out of the kitchen, Tony waving at them from over Jackie's shoulder.
The Doctor stared straight ahead and Rose leaned her mouth against her hand, covering a smile.
"She... She..."
"Ruffled your hair."
"She ruffled my hair."
"I have a sneaking suspicion that she likes you."
"I have a sneaking suspicion that she ruffled my hair."
"You rather she start kissing you again?"
"NO."
Rose snorted into her hand.
The Doctor shuddered.
"So Doctor, why do you think we were banished anyway?" Rose asked.
"Fear. Plain and simple. It's the ostrich burying its head in the sand. They don't really do that, by the way. Well...the ones on Yullan do. But we got painted with the same brush as that werewolf. We were outside of that dreamt-of philosophy. Some can accept that, and others can't. Agatha Christie? One that could, by the way. Of course, you probably could have guessed that."
"Really? You met Agatha Christie? Seriously?"
"Yup! Not too long ago. And we were involved in a real-life 1920s murder mystery!"
"No way! I think the closest we ever got to something like that was with...what was it? You know what I'm talking about." She clicked her fingers. "The sponge somethings."
"Oh right! With the missing statue! The Sponjusts!"
"The Sponjusts!"
They laughed at the memory.
"Oi! You two! Take it outside!" Jackie yelled from upstairs.
They took it outside.
"And I thought you were joking when you told me we were going to see sponges," Rose remarked as they made their way to the guest house.
"Not that they're really sponges. They're just really really squishy."
"How in the world did they ever make a stone statue anyway?"
"Centuries of blobbing at it. Any wonder it was priceless?"
"Oh, speaking of blobbing, I've been trying to remember the name of those blobby creatures. The purple ones. What were they called again?"
"T'rla'ma'pu'ans."
She grinned. "Yeah, not even gonna try saying that."
"The key is the amount of spit you work up with the P sound."
"And that's why I'm not gonna try that."
She put her key into the lock of the guest house, and switched on the lights on entering. The Doctor went straight for the kitchen.
"Have a cuppa?" he asked.
"Do you even know where it is?"
"Do you?"
"Ha ha," she sat on a stool, propping her elbows on the counter.
"The tea is next to a very lonely jar of unopened mustard," he informed her.
"It seemed like a good idea when I bought it."
"And I find your lack of jam disturbing."
Rose snorted. "We can get some, you know."
We. Right at that moment 'we' was his favourite word in the universe. He smiled to himself as he got out some mugs.
"White mugs? Bleh. How dull!"
"You're going to do a complete overhaul of this place, aren't you?"
"Nah. Just the essentials. Jam. White mugs. Of course, can you blame me? Not exactly the thermal material back on the TARDIS. Earth mugs? A bit of rubbish," he teased.
"Yeah, those were some great mugs." And like that, the humour vanished from her eyes. "Still where you left them, I suppose."
The Doctor poured the water and silently begged to reverse time for the last five seconds. "I suppose," he said lightly.
Rose "hmm"-ed and relocated to the sofa. The Doctor followed, putting the mugs down on the table.
"What happened to my stuff on the TARDIS?" she asked, running a hand through her hair, before propping her elbow on the back of the sofa.
"It's right where you left it." He sat down next to her.
"Didn't clear out my old room then?"
"No. I left it alone." And sealed it, he didn't add.
Rachnoss defeated, he'd wound up in her room. He told himself he was putting away the shirt that Donna had found, but sat on Rose's bed for six hours. The shirt never made it off the bed. Then he'd closed the door behind him and made it so no one would ever accidentally stumble across the room.
He reached for her hand. He needed her touch to get him back from that moment.
Fingers found fingers.
He looked up at Rose who was watching their hands.
"Thought maybe you'd have added my stuff to the wardrobe or something. Although I guess it'd have only come in handy if you were visiting early 21st century Earth."
As if he could have ever handled someone walking into the console room wearing Rose's clothes. "Oh, the wardrobe already has enough stuff."
"Well," she said slowly. "It's probably getting cleaned out now, isn't it?" She gently pulled her hand back and let her gaze go to her mug.
The Doctor swallowed. "No. It's not."
"You don't know that, do you?"
"I know me."
She took a drink, holding the mug thoughtfully before putting it back down. "So, since you know you, has he already found someone to be with him?"
"Maybe. Accidents happen. A bit of chance."
"Or maybe he hasn't," she said, still looking at the mug.
"Maybe. But he'll land on his feet. I always did."
"I swear, if you're about to say 'I'm always all right...' Just don't, okay?"
She was clearly trying to stay rational and even about things, but the hurt in her voice was starting to come through.
"Rose..."
"I said I'd never leave you," she blurted.
The Doctor was taken aback. "You didn't. You haven't. In spite of everything, you came back. You made the impossible possible!"
She shook her head. "You said you'd never leave me," she said, switching gears. "I remember it like it was yesterday instead of three years ago. Right there on that street. Said you'd never leave me behind even though you'd always done it."
"I didn't leave you."
"Could have fooled me! Off you went like a shot! We didn't even get a chance to talk. Really talk."
"We're talking now!"
Rose flopped her head back and stared at the ceiling. "You don't get it."
"Neither do you, apparently." That came out wrong.
Her head snapped back up. "All right. You tell me how exactly I'm supposed to stop trying to get back to the other world when he's still out there? Alone! How am I supposed to be happy when he's left me here?"
He tried to ignore how much her word were stinging. "I'm here! You honestly think for a second that you'd be in this world if he didn't fully believe that we're the same person? You really think he'd shuttle you off like that? Throw you some look-alike to play with? Or fix? Some project to distract you with for the rest of your life? I may be a lot of things, Rose Tyler, but I am not that!"
"Then tell me why! He didn't even say goodbye! I know it's been a while, but there was plenty of room in the TARDIS last I saw. We could have all stayed there! I know there's not some 'every universe gets a Doctor' program. And if you're too dangerous or whatever, why didn't he keep an eye on you himself? Why did he leave us here?!" she demanded.
"Because I was scared out of my mind, all right?!"
Her mouth hung open.
"I mean...him. He was the one that was scared. Trust me, I know."
Teared hovered in her eyes. "I don't understand," she said softly.
"I know you don't fully believe I'm me yet..."
She shook her head. "I do. It's just that--"
He continued anyway. "...and maybe it's because there are two of us now, or maybe it's the half-human thing, but he knew you'd see it eventually. And see that given the choice between two people nearly the same, really the same person - shared everything you'd ever done together, and shared every feeling - but one could spend the rest of his life with you and one couldn't, one could express things with ease and one couldn't... How could he hope to compete with that?"
"But that never mattered to me! I knew what the situation was. It was fine. Really!"
"I know. I know! Believe me, I know. So many times I boggled at the thought, even tried to convince myself I was wrong -- that it was wrong -- but I knew you were content. Because that was just so you, Rose. Stuff like that didn't matter to you. I would have taken your forever for myself. I would have. But then...then there was me. I sabotaged myself, Rose. I didn't plan on doing it, it just happened."
Rose looked stricken. "I chose, didn't I? Right there on the beach. And...God, right in front of him."
He softly replied, "He knew, Rose. Even before you reacted. Even before I told you I loved you. He knew what he was doing when he landed the TARDIS. He wanted to make it quick. Think about it, Rose. Just...stop and think."
The Doctor put his hand on hers. "I'd weathered boyfriends and a slapping mother and differences and time itself for you, but I couldn't win against myself. And as much as it would hurt, I wouldn't want to win against myself; not when it's like this. But to have to be a bystander to it...the thought of losing you again," his voice caught, "it kills me."
Rose looked up from his hand with wide eyes.
The Doctor tried to say more, but nothing was coming out.
In an instant she leaned forward, her lips on his, tasting of salt. Had she been crying? Maybe it was him. He sighed into the kiss, thinking again how right this felt - just as it had felt on the beach.
Lips parting, he started pulling her closer to him, but she stopped.
Rose hovered close to his face, her eyes down. For a moment, the only sound was their breathing.
"I'm...I'm going to bed," Rose finally said.
Was that an invitation?
"I just...I..." She kissed him again, softer this time. "Good night." She pulled away, hand wiping at her eyes.
Guess not.
The door closed behind her.
The shower helped.
Some.
Pushing one of the ducks with his foot, for the first time he wondered what his other self was doing. Had fate plunked someone new in his lap already? Someone who'd wormed their way into the TARDIS? Or was he off to stay at a commune for a few months? It wouldn't have been the first time.
Would he be happy Rose was having a hard time over him? Yeah, he'd sabotaged himself with Rose by having another half-human him, but he'd also sabotaged himself by staying in another universe. He'd probably be pleased.
Or not.
The Doctor chided himself for being petty. Given the choice between the two worlds, he'd pick this one. Any day of the week, and that included the human heart. He'd been so weary of it, it seeming to all go on without end, but now he was here in a brand new life. A life with Rose. If she'd let him. She would...wouldn't she? What if she didn't? What if she decided...
Right at this moment he really missed Donna. Donna would have told him not to be an idiot, slapped him on the head and then dragged him down to the pub. She would have listened to his woes, rolled her eyes and given him the best advice in the world. It probably would have been, "Just let her come around, you daft half-alien git!" And she would have mocked him for the mango shampoo he was using.
He hoped Donna was happy back in Chiswick. Really happy.
Dried off and back in his suit, he wandered into the lounge. He checked on the TARDIS coral and grinned, but then yawned. Odd, that.
Suddenly the sofa looked really comfortable. Maybe a quick nap and then back to the boxes. He stretched out and closed his eyes.
Rose slept until the afternoon.
Pete had already been to Torchwood and back, handing over three boxes of equipment. The minute Jackie was distracted, the Doctor began hauling everything out to Rose's guest house. The door wasn't locked, which made him wonder if she'd expected him. Probably.
Rose had been right about the size: smaller on the inside. He'd quietly put the boxes of equipment against the wall, while noticing details about the place. Sofa, coffee table, TV. The kitchen was open to the lounge, not big enough for its own table, but it had some stools next to a counter. It was all clean and bright but there was something off...
It didn't feel very lived-in.
It fit the picture he was starting to piece together of Rose during the last two years. He opened some cupboards. Some condiments and tea. More condiments and a couple bottles of beer in the fridge. He peeled the plastic film from the clock on the microwave. Opening it, he found the instruction manual still inside.
- I actually debated with myself if finding the manual inside the microwave was too pathetic. But in the end I liked having the Doctor put the TARDIS coral in a place where Rose wouldn't accidentally discover it on her own. Also, Rose has always been portrayed as a very real character – just look at the shot we first see of her back in "Rose." She always follows her heart, even if it's not the "best" thing for her. So I'm imagining it's not too far of a stretch for her to be driven to the point of not really taking care of herself. Fits nicely with BP being much thinner now.
She probably pretty much lived at Torchwood since she'd been here.
The Doctor felt a ridiculous amount of satisfaction that Rose never gave up on him -- that she'd been that committed to getting back to him -- and simultaneously hated the thought that she put her life on hold to this extent.
He wandered into the bathroom. A clean folded bath towel sat on the counter. Yeah, she probably had expected him. He took the toothbrush from his pocket and placed it in the toothbrush holder. The ducks went in the tub.
There. Excellent.
- *pets the Doctor* Normally he doesn't turn out his pockets (permanently, that is), but in this case he's trying to find a little bit of belonging. It's starting on the whole "signing up" reference idea – where Rose shoved a bag into the Doctor's hands to take into the TARDIS. Personal things being put into the other's home as something permanent.
He found other places for other things, including a new temporary home for the TARDIS coral, and then settled in on the boxes. The Doctor nearly had a new sonic screwdriver constructed when he heard noise coming from behind the door to the bedroom.
Rose opened the door, blinked at him and broke into a relieved smile. "You're here."
He smiled back. "Where else would I be? Off looking at Jackie's labour photos? That'd be madness."
"Oh, sorry." She winced. "Should have warned you about that, shouldn't I?"
He pulled at his hair. "See any grey ones?"
Rose chuckled. Bare feet and still in her pyjamas, she joined him on the floor, crossing her legs. "What's this, then?" She tilted a box to look at its contents.
"Oh, this and that. I need a new sonic screwdriver, don't I? And a few other things."
"Yeah, can't imagine you without your sonic screwdriver for very long."
"Hold on... Almost there..." He made a few more adjustments and then pushed the button. It lit up. "Success!"
"Oh yay! What setting is that then?"
"It's the setting that lights it up."
Rose smirked. "Amazing," she remarked dryly.
For the briefest of moments, the Doctor felt as if this could have been years ago. Him working on some gadget on one of their non-travel days, Rose actually interested instead of just pretending. Talking to each other for hours, never wishing for any alone time.
But reality set in. The reality of the guest house. The parallel world. The mere three boxes of things.
He pocketed the screwdriver.
"I didn't want to leave while you were sleeping..." The Doctor noticed the pleased look on her face. "...but now that you're up, I've got to see this Dimension Cannon! Is it really shaped like a cannon?" he asked with a teasing grin.
"Yes," she said, trying not to smile. "I'd strap on a helmet and they'd load me up."
"I've really gotta see this now. Please tell me there were racing stripes on the helmet."
Rose chuckled again. "Let me take a shower and then we can go."
- One thing I've always adored about the Doctor/Rose relationship is that they were friends first. Friends who happened to fall in love with each other. Even while the romantic aspect of it was ramping up, they still were fantastic buddies. So it's easy for me to think that they could slip back into that comfortable friendship role while sorting out the romantic part of it.
Forty minutes later and they were at a secondary Torchwood facility, set apart from the dense population of London. The Dimension Cannon was housed in a converted warehouse, the machine itself more of an odd collection of computers, refractors and a power source. It looked like a cobbled-together student science project, but technology's firsts were rarely ever sleek.
The Doctor ran his hand over metal protruding from a refractor and smiled broadly. "You built a trans-universal time machine! That's wizard!!"
Rose gave him a funny look.
"Yeah, sorry. Still working on that blurting thing."
She smirked and turned back to the machine. "Well, other people designed it and all. And put it together."
"Ah, but whose idea was it?"
"All right, maybe I had a bit to do with the concept," she said with a smile.
"Rose, you built a time machine." He couldn't stop grinning. He bounded to her and crushed her into a hug. "You are amazing!"
She pulled back with a twinkle in her eye. "Well, you know. But seriously, we had geniuses working on it."
"I can see that. I've got to meet these people."
- The Doctor's always been a bit of a Rose fanboy, and to find out she had a hand in building a time machine? I'm thinking an internal "HEEEEEEEEE!!!" :D
"Pete was really generous. Really." She moved from him towards the machine, studying it. "Paid for people to work on it that Torchwood would have never been able to get. I don't know how I'll ever be able to thank him. Of course, it didn't seem like such a frivolous thing once the stars started going out. It went from 'project of that insane Tyler girl' to 'salvation of the world' overnight." She touched the control board. "Doesn't work now, I suppose."
"Nope. It's a train without any tracks. And there weren't any tracks when you started either. And you knew there weren't any. What made you think you could get through?"
Rose shrugged. "I had to hope. Hope you were wrong, or that maybe something would change. Didn't want the fabric of reality to be destroyed... We didn't punch any holes ourselves. You've gotta believe that."
"I know."
"But I couldn't do nothing. I had to believe."
Hope. She'd had hope when he'd had none. The Doctor went to her, taking her hand.
- She really was the one to have faith – to the Doctor this was "impossible," which seems to be a word he loves saying without knowing what it means. ;)
"I just can't seem to get the hint when you try to send me away," she said with a sad smile and a sideways glance. He was pretty sure she meant it as a tease, but there was an edge to it.
He wanted to reassure her, to tell her that if given choice, he'd always keep her with him instead of protecting her life, but that seemed a bit like a lie. Even now.
"I never want to. It's a 'have to' thing."
She was silent, shifting her feet.
- Somehow I really don't think anything would ever change when it comes to that. Even though the Doctor's half-human now, he'll always put Rose's life ahead of everything.
Pete was right, though. Once Rose decided on something, there was absolutely no stopping her. And she'd decided to be with him -- something she'd had to practically yell at him in order for it to sink in. Unfortunately once it finally got through to him, she... Well, he really didn't want to think about what happened at Canary Wharf.
It should have been impossible. But with the Cannon in front of him now, 'impossible' simply didn't apply to Rose Tyler.
The sound of the door interrupted the silence.
"Rose! Oh, Doctor! Hey!"
"Jake-y boy!" The Doctor let go of Rose's hand to shake Jake's.
"Looks like everything worked out then? Well, I knew that before. Had a clue when the stars came back and we're all still alive," Jake commented.
"Just a hint, then," Rose teased.
"Yeah yeah. I'm being sent back to Torchwood One. Most everyone is. Came by to pick up my stuff."
"None too soon, yeah?" Rose asked.
"Did I ever complain?" Jake countered.
Rose smirked. "All the time?"
"Okay, there might be some celebrating. That reminds me - I can't get Mickey on his mobile. He came back in one piece, didn't he?"
"Oh." Rose shot the Doctor a glance.
Jake's face fell.
"Oh no! He's alive!" Rose quickly said, giving Jake's arm a squeeze.
"Completely and utterly fine!" the Doctor added.
"But...he stayed in the other world, Jake."
"What? Really?" Jake put a hand in his hair.
Rose nodded.
Shock was written on his face. "Just like that?"
"Yeah."
"Didn't even say goodbye first, did he?"
"I'm sorry--" Rose started.
"Nah. Forget it. Good riddance, the tosser." Jake strode out of the room, managing to swipe a stack of papers off a table along the way.
"I'm gonna... I need to go talk to him. Just for a few minutes," Rose apologised.
"No, no! Go ahead. Take all the time you need. Rose, were he and Mickey...?"
"What? Them?" She paused, almost as if the thought had never occurred to her. "Maybe on Jake's part, but I don't think Mickey. I mean, he did just up and leave, didn't he? No goodbyes? Seems pretty definitive, doesn't it?"
There was a sadness in her eyes, and the Doctor had the feeling she might not have been talking about Jake and Mickey anymore. But she turned and left the room before any more was said.
- A brief Jake appearance so I can get in a Mickey mention and also so I can parallel it to the Doctor leaving on the beach without a goodbye. It's really all just under the surface with Rose.
The Doctor had a panel open and was underneath a section of the Cannon when Rose finally came back. He could see her feet walking towards him, then bending down to talk. Just like so many times she'd done before...
"Wow, this is familiar," Rose said. "All that's missing is the console."
The Doctor pushed himself away from the machine to grin at her. "You've been reading my mind." He sat up.
"Got a smudge." She rubbed his nose. "Doctor, how are you doing?"
"Well, I've reviewed the whole system, and I've gotta say, I'm pretty impressed--"
"No," she interrupted. "I mean, how are you doing? Being stuck here?"
He moved to get up and she helped him. He wasn't quite ready to tell her about the TARDIS piece. The last thing he wanted to do was get her hopes up and dash them. She hoped for the both of them before, and it seemed like it should be his turn. "I ever tell you about the time I was stuck on Earth? Grounded, really."
"Seriously? For how long?"
"Years. It was centuries ago. Picked up a job at UNIT as a way to pass the time. So this? This is old hat."
"You miss it though, don't you? Even already."
With every fibre of his being, he didn't say. From her eyes, he didn't have to.
Rose looped her arm through his and pulled him towards the exit. "Come on. Mum called a minute ago. She's insisting we have dinner with them. Something about feeding us or dying. Let's just hope she ordered in."
The Doctor wrinkled his nose.
- But even though Rose is dealing with some things, she really can't help caring. It was something the Doctor even mentioned as a way to identify her in New Earth. Also in TCI we see her sitting on the bed and fussing over the Doctor, even though at that point she didn't really believe it was him. She knows the Doctor and is going to be concerned about him stuck like this.
*
"...and that was right before she banished us!" Rose added, as she and the Doctor tag-teamed telling the story of the werewolf to Pete, Jackie, and a wide-eyed Tony.
"Here we go and save her and she kicks us out like common thugs!"
"Oh, go on," Jackie said. "As if you two were ever knighted."
"Mum, you just heard a story about a werewolf and it's the knighting part that you don't believe?"
"Most the time I can't tell when you're serious and when you're having me on," Jackie complained.
"Sir Doctor," Rose said to the Doctor with a smile.
"Dame Rose," he grinned back.
- Hmm. I must have a thing about Tooth & Claw. I had Rose and alt!Nine laughing about the banishment in Inertia as well. Heh.
Pete finished clearing the table, probably a not-so-subtle sign that their dinner (thankfully delivery) was over and actually should have been over two hours ago.
"Well, I'd like to thank you for what I'm sure will be nightmares for my son," Pete said, half jokingly, "but some of us have to work tomorrow. And should have been in bed long ago."
He picked up Tony who had been transfixed by the stories being told, never once fidgeting. Tony started to whine.
- Is it bad I just have no desire to write much about Tony? He's sort of a fuzzy 2-4 age, but I'm just really indifferent about him. He reminds me of the baby that is delivered during sweeps on a TV show and either magically ages 5 years by the next season or is never heard from again. I'm not anti-Tony, but I imagine he'll only get brief mentions/appearances in any alt!verse stuff I do.
"Oh, don't worry," Jackie told him. "You can listen to more stories later."
"And here I thought Tony wasn't supposed to be listening to me," the Doctor reminded her.
"Well, a little might not hurt him," Jackie said, standing. She ruffled the Doctor's hair. "Too much." She took Tony from Pete and the three of them headed out of the kitchen, Tony waving at them from over Jackie's shoulder.
The Doctor stared straight ahead and Rose leaned her mouth against her hand, covering a smile.
"She... She..."
"Ruffled your hair."
"She ruffled my hair."
"I have a sneaking suspicion that she likes you."
"I have a sneaking suspicion that she ruffled my hair."
"You rather she start kissing you again?"
"NO."
Rose snorted into her hand.
The Doctor shuddered.
- HEH. Oh, the indignity of a hair-ruffle! :D They really do love each other and stick up for each other (like I did in the mini-sequel to this fic), but they also love picking on each other.
"So Doctor, why do you think we were banished anyway?" Rose asked.
"Fear. Plain and simple. It's the ostrich burying its head in the sand. They don't really do that, by the way. Well...the ones on Yullan do. But we got painted with the same brush as that werewolf. We were outside of that dreamt-of philosophy. Some can accept that, and others can't. Agatha Christie? One that could, by the way. Of course, you probably could have guessed that."
"Really? You met Agatha Christie? Seriously?"
"Yup! Not too long ago. And we were involved in a real-life 1920s murder mystery!"
"No way! I think the closest we ever got to something like that was with...what was it? You know what I'm talking about." She clicked her fingers. "The sponge somethings."
"Oh right! With the missing statue! The Sponjusts!"
"The Sponjusts!"
They laughed at the memory.
"Oi! You two! Take it outside!" Jackie yelled from upstairs.
They took it outside.
"And I thought you were joking when you told me we were going to see sponges," Rose remarked as they made their way to the guest house.
"Not that they're really sponges. They're just really really squishy."
"How in the world did they ever make a stone statue anyway?"
"Centuries of blobbing at it. Any wonder it was priceless?"
"Oh, speaking of blobbing, I've been trying to remember the name of those blobby creatures. The purple ones. What were they called again?"
"T'rla'ma'pu'ans."
She grinned. "Yeah, not even gonna try saying that."
"The key is the amount of spit you work up with the P sound."
"And that's why I'm not gonna try that."
She put her key into the lock of the guest house, and switched on the lights on entering. The Doctor went straight for the kitchen.
- More of that friendship stuff they naturally fall back on. These two have fun just reliving memories (see RotC). Also, Rose will always be the one to unlock the guest house door until the Doctor gets his own key – in line with the "signing up" thing. The Doctor gave her a TARDIS key in that same 2-parter as the whole "you're stuck with me" thing, so in my mind it's all related.
"Have a cuppa?" he asked.
"Do you even know where it is?"
"Do you?"
"Ha ha," she sat on a stool, propping her elbows on the counter.
"The tea is next to a very lonely jar of unopened mustard," he informed her.
"It seemed like a good idea when I bought it."
"And I find your lack of jam disturbing."
Rose snorted. "We can get some, you know."
We. Right at that moment 'we' was his favourite word in the universe. He smiled to himself as he got out some mugs.
"White mugs? Bleh. How dull!"
"You're going to do a complete overhaul of this place, aren't you?"
"Nah. Just the essentials. Jam. White mugs. Of course, can you blame me? Not exactly the thermal material back on the TARDIS. Earth mugs? A bit of rubbish," he teased.
"Yeah, those were some great mugs." And like that, the humour vanished from her eyes. "Still where you left them, I suppose."
The Doctor poured the water and silently begged to reverse time for the last five seconds. "I suppose," he said lightly.
- Light banter can only go so far when something this huge has happened to both of them. Eventually it has to come out, and I prefer sooner rather than later. Rose really isn't one to hold things in for very long.
Rose "hmm"-ed and relocated to the sofa. The Doctor followed, putting the mugs down on the table.
"What happened to my stuff on the TARDIS?" she asked, running a hand through her hair, before propping her elbow on the back of the sofa.
"It's right where you left it." He sat down next to her.
"Didn't clear out my old room then?"
"No. I left it alone." And sealed it, he didn't add.
Rachnoss defeated, he'd wound up in her room. He told himself he was putting away the shirt that Donna had found, but sat on Rose's bed for six hours. The shirt never made it off the bed. Then he'd closed the door behind him and made it so no one would ever accidentally stumble across the room.
He reached for her hand. He needed her touch to get him back from that moment.
Fingers found fingers.
He looked up at Rose who was watching their hands.
- I'll be honest. Some of this was to remind myself that he's the same person. I mean logically I knew this, but for a while it was sometimes hard to remember that Ten II is the person who pulled a blue scooter out of the TARDIS, and gaped at her before she met Dickens, and even was crushed at her loss. Not just someone pretending to be the Doctor.
"Thought maybe you'd have added my stuff to the wardrobe or something. Although I guess it'd have only come in handy if you were visiting early 21st century Earth."
As if he could have ever handled someone walking into the console room wearing Rose's clothes. "Oh, the wardrobe already has enough stuff."
"Well," she said slowly. "It's probably getting cleaned out now, isn't it?" She gently pulled her hand back and let her gaze go to her mug.
The Doctor swallowed. "No. It's not."
"You don't know that, do you?"
"I know me."
She took a drink, holding the mug thoughtfully before putting it back down. "So, since you know you, has he already found someone to be with him?"
"Maybe. Accidents happen. A bit of chance."
"Or maybe he hasn't," she said, still looking at the mug.
"Maybe. But he'll land on his feet. I always did."
"I swear, if you're about to say 'I'm always all right...' Just don't, okay?"
- Yeah, don't let him get away with that anymore, Rose.
She was clearly trying to stay rational and even about things, but the hurt in her voice was starting to come through.
"Rose..."
"I said I'd never leave you," she blurted.
The Doctor was taken aback. "You didn't. You haven't. In spite of everything, you came back. You made the impossible possible!"
She shook her head. "You said you'd never leave me," she said, switching gears. "I remember it like it was yesterday instead of three years ago. Right there on that street. Said you'd never leave me behind even though you'd always done it."
"I didn't leave you."
"Could have fooled me! Off you went like a shot! We didn't even get a chance to talk. Really talk."
"We're talking now!"
Rose flopped her head back and stared at the ceiling. "You don't get it."
"Neither do you, apparently." That came out wrong.
- The whole "never leave you" thing had to be addressed. Rose is frustrated because she sees another him still out there – one that actually left her - and the Doctor's frustrated because they're together, end of story.
Her head snapped back up. "All right. You tell me how exactly I'm supposed to stop trying to get back to the other world when he's still out there? Alone! How am I supposed to be happy when he's left me here?"
He tried to ignore how much her word were stinging. "I'm here! You honestly think for a second that you'd be in this world if he didn't fully believe that we're the same person? You really think he'd shuttle you off like that? Throw you some look-alike to play with? Or fix? Some project to distract you with for the rest of your life? I may be a lot of things, Rose Tyler, but I am not that!"
- Personal canon here again. I simply can't swallow the notion that the Doctor would ever send Rose off to a parallel world with some Doctor blow-up doll. If he did, that would make him an incredible ass, and one who never deserved Rose in the first place then. It'd be a very slimy move, and I refuse to think of the Doctor like that.
"Then tell me why! He didn't even say goodbye! I know it's been a while, but there was plenty of room in the TARDIS last I saw. We could have all stayed there! I know there's not some 'every universe gets a Doctor' program. And if you're too dangerous or whatever, why didn't he keep an eye on you himself? Why did he leave us here?!" she demanded.
"Because I was scared out of my mind, all right?!"
Her mouth hung open.
"I mean...him. He was the one that was scared. Trust me, I know."
Teared hovered in her eyes. "I don't understand," she said softly.
"I know you don't fully believe I'm me yet..."
She shook her head. "I do. It's just that--"
- My notion is that Rose really doesn't have a problem with seeing him as the Doctor. The Doctor thinks she does, but she's been through it with him before. Why she's been holding back is because there are two of them now. Like she said at the end, "It feels a bit like I'm cheating on you with you." There's guilt there with her.
He continued anyway. "...and maybe it's because there are two of us now, or maybe it's the half-human thing, but he knew you'd see it eventually. And see that given the choice between two people nearly the same, really the same person - shared everything you'd ever done together, and shared every feeling - but one could spend the rest of his life with you and one couldn't, one could express things with ease and one couldn't... How could he hope to compete with that?"
"But that never mattered to me! I knew what the situation was. It was fine. Really!"
"I know. I know! Believe me, I know. So many times I boggled at the thought, even tried to convince myself I was wrong -- that it was wrong -- but I knew you were content. Because that was just so you, Rose. Stuff like that didn't matter to you. I would have taken your forever for myself. I would have. But then...then there was me. I sabotaged myself, Rose. I didn't plan on doing it, it just happened."
Rose looked stricken. "I chose, didn't I? Right there on the beach. And...God, right in front of him."
He softly replied, "He knew, Rose. Even before you reacted. Even before I told you I loved you. He knew what he was doing when he landed the TARDIS. He wanted to make it quick. Think about it, Rose. Just...stop and think."
The Doctor put his hand on hers. "I'd weathered boyfriends and a slapping mother and differences and time itself for you, but I couldn't win against myself. And as much as it would hurt, I wouldn't want to win against myself; not when it's like this. But to have to be a bystander to it...the thought of losing you again," his voice caught, "it kills me."
- This is a problem I'm seeing with the three of them living together. It might be fine for a while (if the two Doctors didn't kill each other, that is), but over time I'd get the feeling that Rose and Ten II would naturally grow closer, even without meaning to. And really, that would be hell for Ten I to have to watch. His biggest issue when it came to Rose was not being able to grow old with her, and to see another version of himself get to do it?
Rose looked up from his hand with wide eyes.
The Doctor tried to say more, but nothing was coming out.
In an instant she leaned forward, her lips on his, tasting of salt. Had she been crying? Maybe it was him. He sighed into the kiss, thinking again how right this felt - just as it had felt on the beach.
Lips parting, he started pulling her closer to him, but she stopped.
Rose hovered close to his face, her eyes down. For a moment, the only sound was their breathing.
"I'm...I'm going to bed," Rose finally said.
Was that an invitation?
"I just...I..." She kissed him again, softer this time. "Good night." She pulled away, hand wiping at her eyes.
Guess not.
- What can I say? I didn't want their first time together to be angsty sex. :D
The door closed behind her.
The shower helped.
Some.
- You know, the only reason I stuck him in the shower here is because I started thinking about hygiene and just how long it had been since he had washed. (Never in this body.) The not-having-sex cooldown was just a bonus.
Pushing one of the ducks with his foot, for the first time he wondered what his other self was doing. Had fate plunked someone new in his lap already? Someone who'd wormed their way into the TARDIS? Or was he off to stay at a commune for a few months? It wouldn't have been the first time.
Would he be happy Rose was having a hard time over him? Yeah, he'd sabotaged himself with Rose by having another half-human him, but he'd also sabotaged himself by staying in another universe. He'd probably be pleased.
Or not.
The Doctor chided himself for being petty. Given the choice between the two worlds, he'd pick this one. Any day of the week, and that included the human heart. He'd been so weary of it, it seeming to all go on without end, but now he was here in a brand new life. A life with Rose. If she'd let him. She would...wouldn't she? What if she didn't? What if she decided...
Right at this moment he really missed Donna. Donna would have told him not to be an idiot, slapped him on the head and then dragged him down to the pub. She would have listened to his woes, rolled her eyes and given him the best advice in the world. It probably would have been, "Just let her come around, you daft half-alien git!" And she would have mocked him for the mango shampoo he was using.
He hoped Donna was happy back in Chiswick. Really happy.
Dried off and back in his suit, he wandered into the lounge. He checked on the TARDIS coral and grinned, but then yawned. Odd, that.
Suddenly the sofa looked really comfortable. Maybe a quick nap and then back to the boxes. He stretched out and closed his eyes.
- Just some mental babblings to get his state of mind after this intense discussion. I don't plan on bringing up Donna all the time, but I do like the "best mate" friendship they had going – she totally would have dragged him out for a drink.