One American's Understanding of Cricket

[mrv3000]

Contrary to the belief of twenty-seven people, no actual crickets are used in the game of cricket. The game itself has a rich history and is believed to be the reason for much of the British imperialism of recent centuries -- so they could play and beat the snot out of other countries while laughing (ever so politely.)

There are many terms used in cricket. Bails. Wickets. Stumps. Crease. Ignore these terms. They are merely names which serve to identify pieces in the layout of the playing field. And are part of clue #385 in the identity of Jesus' descendants.

To score in cricket, one side must earn runs before the other side "dismisses" the run by saying things like, "You hit like a girl, old chap." To earn a run, one whacks a ball with a flat paddle. If the flat paddle touches the whacker's left leg, then 5 runs are scored. If the flat paddle makes contact with the ball, points are given to England. (If both teams are English, then both teams are given points. If neither of the teams is English, then points are transferred to an ongoing game in the U.K.) If the flat paddle comes in contact with someone of the opposite team's butt, then multiball is called and England scores again.

Time is not kept in cricket, so the game ends promptly at 4 p.m. with tea and the singing of "God Save the Queen."

Comments

[makesometime.livejournal.com]

Hee.

[mrv3000.livejournal.com]

I *think* it makes sense now.

[makesometime.livejournal.com]

Well, you got it spot on, well done to you ;)

[sethoz.livejournal.com]

I say old fellow, that sounds like a mighty fine chinwag of a game, wot?

So what the duce have I been watching then?

[mrv3000.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure. Are you sure it's not rugby?

[chiroho.livejournal.com]

Rugby tends to involve a lot of people running into each other. Cricket is generally less physical in that sense.

[sethoz.livejournal.com]

Rugby?

Isn't that lots of sweaty men?

This was very... sedate. Like being sedated while playing some kind of sport...

[chiroho.livejournal.com]

Hmmmm.

Can't say as that's my understanding of the game.

Then again, I always thought Basball was called Rounders and was only played by children, so what do I know? :D

[jennylouise123.livejournal.com]

Then again, I always thought Basball was called Rounders and was only played by children, so what do I know? :D

Haha we DO agree on something *bg*

[chiroho.livejournal.com]

Good grief! We should play the lottery or something! ;)

[mrv3000.livejournal.com]

Can't say as that's my understanding of the game.

But I got the info straight from a Brit!

Then again, I always thought Basball was called Rounders and was only played by children, so what do I know? :D

You mean it isn't?

[mylo1012.livejournal.com]

Any sport that breaks for tea time, shouldn't be allowed to be called a sport

[chiroho.livejournal.com]

Actually it stops for Lunch, then tea, then stumps, then lunch, then tea, then stumps, then lunch, then tea, then stumps, then lunch, then tea, then stumps, then lunch, then tea, then it finishes.

At least if it's a Test match anyway. :D

[shipperkitten.livejournal.com]

I think darts has been made a sport now! :O

[mrv3000.livejournal.com]

Damn straight! Sports should only include beer.

[lytarules.livejournal.com]

*believes every word*

'kay, I get it now!

[mrv3000.livejournal.com]

It's so clear, isn't it?

[ccgig.livejournal.com]

Ha to really try to understand cricket you have to marry someone who is mad on it, then have 3 sons who also grow up liking cricket, as well as having their friends indoctrinated. I still don't understand stuff. The duckworth Lewis rule for example. But its fun when England have a chance to win.

[mrv3000.livejournal.com]

Oh, you poor, poor thing!

Duckworth Lewis...go England!

[spikesbuffy.livejournal.com]

*giggles and is amused*

[mrv3000.livejournal.com]

I'm pretty sure I'm right. Well, almost sure.

[angst-angel.livejournal.com]

OMG, so useful. I now understand cricket!!!

[mrv3000.livejournal.com]

I'm full of information! ;)

*reads explanation*

[pro-hominum.livejournal.com]

You forgot to mention going out for a duck! ;o)

Re: *reads explanation*

[mrv3000.livejournal.com]

*hits head*