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Dark and Stormy IV: A New Hope
In wandering around old, 2003 journal entries, I found where ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
josephides and I had started the 4th Dark and Stormy SG-1 fic. But we very quickly lost interest - there's not much there. The Gilligan's Island stuff? The plan had been to throw SG-1 on an island and wackiness would ensue. Of course, nowadays it probably would have been a Lost reference.
*
*
Unfortunately for Daniel, mere seconds before he said those infamous words, "Because they're dicks?" in response to General Hammond's question of why the Ancients would do something perplexing, the Ancients had just finished watching their daily episode of Gilligan's Island and had begun to flip the channel around. In a fluke of fate, they tuned in to see a group of blinking humanoids using *the Ancient's* Stargate...or The Great Donut Hole Which Houses the Grand Worms, as was its true name.
"We're dicks?! *We're* dicks?! Well, who's the idiot who doesn't realize he passes through gigantic space worms on a daily basis?! He should be thanking Tom for the ride he just got!"
Suffice to say, the Ancients were pretty pissed. And they didn't really get angry much any more - several thousand years sitting in front of what was basically a large security screen watching events unfold in the universe had turned them into omnipotent couch potatoes. They were all usually quite mellow - dressed mostly in beige, went to bed early, rose with the birds and all that jazz.
But this...
Well, this was going too far.
Of course, nothing actually *happened* for a while. The Ancients had gotten used to a certain slower way of life - ordering pizza, for instance, could take between ten to twenty years. So they all sat there, in front of their TVs, watching the screen - mentally getting angrier and angrier until a few months had passed and finally someone said, "Dudes, I'm really kinda peeved."
"Yeah!"
"Totally!"
"As am I!"
This went on for some time - there were a lot of Ancients around. After all, it was a big room. Plus, for the few active ones that weren't watching TV, they were all telepathic. For the Ancients, conversation was pretty complicated, which was why they didn't do it much, and generally stuck to watching TV.
"Clearly, this... four eyed person needs to be taught a lesson."
"Yeah!"
"Totally!"
"As am I... wait, yeah!"
Sniffing, someone grabbed a hold of the remote and began to change channels, eventually landing on a new episode of Gilligans Island. "Hey.... I've got a *great* idea."
*
Sam watched as Daniel shamelessly flirted with another native. Dammit. She'd owe Siler another $20 for that. The man was making a fortune out of Daniel's sluttiness.
She pulled her betting notepad out of her pocket and added the sum of money to the long column. Really, she ought to start betting on Daniel being slutty, instead of the other way around. Why did she keep doing this to herself? She'd lost $400 this month!! And Siler had just bought himself a Ferrari after last month's 'Daniel gets pregnant off-world' debacle.
"Dammit, Daniel, keep your pants on for one mission will you?" she muttered.
"MajorCarter, is there something wrong?"
Sam sighed and showed Teal'c the notebook. "I'm hemorrhaging money, Teal'c."
Teal'c raised an eyebrow and then – and then! – he wiggled the other one at the same time. Wow. That was, like, so totally cool. "That is nothing, MajorCarter." Teal'c whipped his own notebook out of his pocket and showed it to her.
"Jesus!" Sam exclaimed, her eyes bulging, cartoon-like, at the sum of money at the bottom of the tally.
"Indeed."
"It's a shame we're really honest people, Teal'c. Or we could lie about this."
"Not when DanielJackson comes back with a new form of STD," Teal'c pointed out pointedly, pointing at Daniel.
That was very true, Sam thought. The guy used more creams and ointments than was healthy.
Daniel was now unzipping his pants and showing the native girl... something.
Purely in the name of science, Sam was sure.
Not.
"Where is O'Neill?" Teal'c wondered, obviously growing tired. He had, after all, seen all of Daniel's parts before - on that occasion when Daniel had got drunk and hit on everyone and then tried to hump General Hammond's leg.
"Eating." Sam jerked her head over to the place where they'd set up camp. The Colonel was munching on powerbar after powerbar, eyeing Daniel darkly.
Teal'c nodded regally. "Of course."
She eyed the Colonel who was now alternating picking his teeth and scratching himself. She sighed. Why didn't she have special feelings for Daniel?? She would have gotten some by now!
"Can we go home yet, do you think?" she asked Teal'c.
Teal'c tilted his head to the side, looking at the position Daniel had just bent the native girl in (wow - these people were really flexible). His eyes widened slightly and he quickly looked away, turning Sam around. "You do not wish to see that, Major Carter."
"I don't?"
Sam rather thought she did. In the name of living vicariously and all that.
"It is not... natural."
Now she *really* wanted to see it and it wasn't helping matters that the Colonel's mouth was now open in shock and he was drooling.
Seriously? Why couldn't she have gooey feelings for Daniel? Judging from the noises the bendy native girl was making, she would be *so* much more relaxed.
Sigh.
"I want to go home now," Colonel O'Neill announced in pouting tones, standing up and brushing the crumbs off his shirt and pants. "Teal'c. Go get Daniel."
"I will not."
Suddenly... Sam got a tingling feeling. No, not *that* kind of a tingling feeling. A kind of....
There was a bright flash of white light, like looking into a camera flash at the wrong moment - and in the distance she heard "OH CRAP NOT AGAIN!".
Then the white flash dissipated and the tingly feeling went away (damn, damn, damn, Sam thought – that was the closest she'd got to sex, like, EVER).
"Er...." Daniel hurriedly pulled up his pants and wiped something (oh GOD!) away from his mouth. "What just happened?"
"You were having sex," the Colonel accused him. "AGAIN!"
Daniel started to look panicked, his eyes roaming around the faces of his teammates. "I was? DAMN!"
Sam rolled her eyes. Not the amnesia story again. Like *no one* ever believed that one anyway, but he always got away with it!
The slut.
Janet's raging hormonal crush on Daniel gave him an unfair advantage, Sam decided. She made a mental note to bring it up with Janet the next time they were out drinking and talking about Cassie.
josephides and I had started the 4th Dark and Stormy SG-1 fic. But we very quickly lost interest - there's not much there. The Gilligan's Island stuff? The plan had been to throw SG-1 on an island and wackiness would ensue. Of course, nowadays it probably would have been a Lost reference.*
*
Unfortunately for Daniel, mere seconds before he said those infamous words, "Because they're dicks?" in response to General Hammond's question of why the Ancients would do something perplexing, the Ancients had just finished watching their daily episode of Gilligan's Island and had begun to flip the channel around. In a fluke of fate, they tuned in to see a group of blinking humanoids using *the Ancient's* Stargate...or The Great Donut Hole Which Houses the Grand Worms, as was its true name.
"We're dicks?! *We're* dicks?! Well, who's the idiot who doesn't realize he passes through gigantic space worms on a daily basis?! He should be thanking Tom for the ride he just got!"
Suffice to say, the Ancients were pretty pissed. And they didn't really get angry much any more - several thousand years sitting in front of what was basically a large security screen watching events unfold in the universe had turned them into omnipotent couch potatoes. They were all usually quite mellow - dressed mostly in beige, went to bed early, rose with the birds and all that jazz.
But this...
Well, this was going too far.
Of course, nothing actually *happened* for a while. The Ancients had gotten used to a certain slower way of life - ordering pizza, for instance, could take between ten to twenty years. So they all sat there, in front of their TVs, watching the screen - mentally getting angrier and angrier until a few months had passed and finally someone said, "Dudes, I'm really kinda peeved."
"Yeah!"
"Totally!"
"As am I!"
This went on for some time - there were a lot of Ancients around. After all, it was a big room. Plus, for the few active ones that weren't watching TV, they were all telepathic. For the Ancients, conversation was pretty complicated, which was why they didn't do it much, and generally stuck to watching TV.
"Clearly, this... four eyed person needs to be taught a lesson."
"Yeah!"
"Totally!"
"As am I... wait, yeah!"
Sniffing, someone grabbed a hold of the remote and began to change channels, eventually landing on a new episode of Gilligans Island. "Hey.... I've got a *great* idea."
*
Sam watched as Daniel shamelessly flirted with another native. Dammit. She'd owe Siler another $20 for that. The man was making a fortune out of Daniel's sluttiness.
She pulled her betting notepad out of her pocket and added the sum of money to the long column. Really, she ought to start betting on Daniel being slutty, instead of the other way around. Why did she keep doing this to herself? She'd lost $400 this month!! And Siler had just bought himself a Ferrari after last month's 'Daniel gets pregnant off-world' debacle.
"Dammit, Daniel, keep your pants on for one mission will you?" she muttered.
"MajorCarter, is there something wrong?"
Sam sighed and showed Teal'c the notebook. "I'm hemorrhaging money, Teal'c."
Teal'c raised an eyebrow and then – and then! – he wiggled the other one at the same time. Wow. That was, like, so totally cool. "That is nothing, MajorCarter." Teal'c whipped his own notebook out of his pocket and showed it to her.
"Jesus!" Sam exclaimed, her eyes bulging, cartoon-like, at the sum of money at the bottom of the tally.
"Indeed."
"It's a shame we're really honest people, Teal'c. Or we could lie about this."
"Not when DanielJackson comes back with a new form of STD," Teal'c pointed out pointedly, pointing at Daniel.
That was very true, Sam thought. The guy used more creams and ointments than was healthy.
Daniel was now unzipping his pants and showing the native girl... something.
Purely in the name of science, Sam was sure.
Not.
"Where is O'Neill?" Teal'c wondered, obviously growing tired. He had, after all, seen all of Daniel's parts before - on that occasion when Daniel had got drunk and hit on everyone and then tried to hump General Hammond's leg.
"Eating." Sam jerked her head over to the place where they'd set up camp. The Colonel was munching on powerbar after powerbar, eyeing Daniel darkly.
Teal'c nodded regally. "Of course."
She eyed the Colonel who was now alternating picking his teeth and scratching himself. She sighed. Why didn't she have special feelings for Daniel?? She would have gotten some by now!
"Can we go home yet, do you think?" she asked Teal'c.
Teal'c tilted his head to the side, looking at the position Daniel had just bent the native girl in (wow - these people were really flexible). His eyes widened slightly and he quickly looked away, turning Sam around. "You do not wish to see that, Major Carter."
"I don't?"
Sam rather thought she did. In the name of living vicariously and all that.
"It is not... natural."
Now she *really* wanted to see it and it wasn't helping matters that the Colonel's mouth was now open in shock and he was drooling.
Seriously? Why couldn't she have gooey feelings for Daniel? Judging from the noises the bendy native girl was making, she would be *so* much more relaxed.
Sigh.
"I want to go home now," Colonel O'Neill announced in pouting tones, standing up and brushing the crumbs off his shirt and pants. "Teal'c. Go get Daniel."
"I will not."
Suddenly... Sam got a tingling feeling. No, not *that* kind of a tingling feeling. A kind of....
There was a bright flash of white light, like looking into a camera flash at the wrong moment - and in the distance she heard "OH CRAP NOT AGAIN!".
Then the white flash dissipated and the tingly feeling went away (damn, damn, damn, Sam thought – that was the closest she'd got to sex, like, EVER).
"Er...." Daniel hurriedly pulled up his pants and wiped something (oh GOD!) away from his mouth. "What just happened?"
"You were having sex," the Colonel accused him. "AGAIN!"
Daniel started to look panicked, his eyes roaming around the faces of his teammates. "I was? DAMN!"
Sam rolled her eyes. Not the amnesia story again. Like *no one* ever believed that one anyway, but he always got away with it!
The slut.
Janet's raging hormonal crush on Daniel gave him an unfair advantage, Sam decided. She made a mental note to bring it up with Janet the next time they were out drinking and talking about Cassie.