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I spent last night watching election coverage and flipped around a lot, because I'm interested in what everyone's saying. Politics for me is usually a bit more clinical than emotional.
To sum up my night...
CNN: The polls have just closed, and now begins the waiting process before we can project a winner.
[flips channel]
Fox News: We're now ready to project a winner...
[flips channel]
MSNBC: [has unexpected cheesy graphics]
Me: Hmph. That's what you get for upgrading to Vista.
[flips channel]
Headline News: [newspeople are sitting around eating cake]
Me: [is intrigued by the cake]
Headline News Anchor: OMG, you're all whores for eating the cake without me while I'm stuck behind this desk! Oh, by the way, CNN has projected a winner and just had a fruit basket delivery from Fox News with "took you long enough, bitches" on the note.
Me: [loses interest due to no more shots of the cake]
[flips channel]
CNN Reporter: Let's take a look at the breakdown on the map.[pokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepoke]
Me: They should have gotten a Wii.
[flips channel]
Karl Rove on Fox News: [does not spontaneously grow horns]
Me: WTF?
[flips channel]
Pat Robertson's Happy Fun Time Election Coverage "Reporter": Christians are voting for McCain? What the H-E-double hockey sticks is going on?!
Pat Robertson: [spontaneously grows horns]
Me: [world makes sense again]
Pat Robertson's Happy Fun Time Election Coverage "Reporter": HMPH. None of the Republicans are conservative enough for me, but I still don't understand this McCain business!
Me: Could it be that people don't really care for Bush?
Pat Robertson: Do you think the current administration is the problem?
Me: ACK!!!
Pat Robertson's Happy Fun Time Election Coverage "Reporter": No way. Bush is doing a stand-up job.
Me: [drools]
[flips channel]
Karl Rove on Fox News: [is orchestrating a takeover of the CNN newsroom]
[reporting is interrupted by the pesky candidates]
Mike Huckabee: I'm in this for the long haul!! [not-so-subtly winks at McCain while tying Romney's shoelaces] I am totally running for President and not Vice President!
Me: Will you give me a cookie if I pretend to believe you?
Mitt Romney: WOO! I won in the states I've lived in! Which means that starting tomorrow, I will be simultaneously moving to every remaining state...
Me: [starts to think that Mitt Romney's hair is shellacked because it's a sentient - and very chatty - life form]
John McCain: [slips Huckabee a promise ring]
Me: KNEW IT!
Barack Obama: [gives speech about kids throwing rocks at windows]
Me: [gets a bit sniffly for some reason, until seeing the woman behind him breaking down in tears, and then remembers I'm supposed to be clinical]
Hillary Clinton: I'd like to thank everyone, including Bill who couldn't be here tonight since this week's punishment is trying to sway the opinion of a cow in North Dakota.
Me: HEH.
New CNN/Fox News Conglomerate: Well, there may be no final decisions tonight, but one thing is certain: Mitt Romney sucks.
Mitt Romney's Hair: [plots revenge]
To sum up my night...
CNN: The polls have just closed, and now begins the waiting process before we can project a winner.
[flips channel]
Fox News: We're now ready to project a winner...
[flips channel]
MSNBC: [has unexpected cheesy graphics]
Me: Hmph. That's what you get for upgrading to Vista.
[flips channel]
Headline News: [newspeople are sitting around eating cake]
Me: [is intrigued by the cake]
Headline News Anchor: OMG, you're all whores for eating the cake without me while I'm stuck behind this desk! Oh, by the way, CNN has projected a winner and just had a fruit basket delivery from Fox News with "took you long enough, bitches" on the note.
Me: [loses interest due to no more shots of the cake]
[flips channel]
CNN Reporter: Let's take a look at the breakdown on the map.[pokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepokepoke]
Me: They should have gotten a Wii.
[flips channel]
Karl Rove on Fox News: [does not spontaneously grow horns]
Me: WTF?
[flips channel]
Pat Robertson's Happy Fun Time Election Coverage "Reporter": Christians are voting for McCain? What the H-E-double hockey sticks is going on?!
Pat Robertson: [spontaneously grows horns]
Me: [world makes sense again]
Pat Robertson's Happy Fun Time Election Coverage "Reporter": HMPH. None of the Republicans are conservative enough for me, but I still don't understand this McCain business!
Me: Could it be that people don't really care for Bush?
Pat Robertson: Do you think the current administration is the problem?
Me: ACK!!!
Pat Robertson's Happy Fun Time Election Coverage "Reporter": No way. Bush is doing a stand-up job.
Me: [drools]
[flips channel]
Karl Rove on Fox News: [is orchestrating a takeover of the CNN newsroom]
[reporting is interrupted by the pesky candidates]
Mike Huckabee: I'm in this for the long haul!! [not-so-subtly winks at McCain while tying Romney's shoelaces] I am totally running for President and not Vice President!
Me: Will you give me a cookie if I pretend to believe you?
Mitt Romney: WOO! I won in the states I've lived in! Which means that starting tomorrow, I will be simultaneously moving to every remaining state...
Me: [starts to think that Mitt Romney's hair is shellacked because it's a sentient - and very chatty - life form]
John McCain: [slips Huckabee a promise ring]
Me: KNEW IT!
Barack Obama: [gives speech about kids throwing rocks at windows]
Me: [gets a bit sniffly for some reason, until seeing the woman behind him breaking down in tears, and then remembers I'm supposed to be clinical]
Hillary Clinton: I'd like to thank everyone, including Bill who couldn't be here tonight since this week's punishment is trying to sway the opinion of a cow in North Dakota.
Me: HEH.
New CNN/Fox News Conglomerate: Well, there may be no final decisions tonight, but one thing is certain: Mitt Romney sucks.
Mitt Romney's Hair: [plots revenge]
no subject
Anchor: O RLY?
MWAH. Yes.
Reporter: WOW! There are women voting for Obama! SRSLY!
Anchor: But now let me tell you all about these 52-47 exit polls that confirm that every woman in the country is voting for Hillary Clinton!
Every woman did vote for Hillary! It's true.