Can I blame this on atomicpagan?

[mrv3000]

The Star Wars Holiday Special (1978)

Harrison! Mark! Carrie! Which members of your families did they hold for ransom to make you do this? That *had* to be the reason. It's really the only explanation I choose to believe. Bea Arthur? I know you did it because you thought you were guest starring on The Muppet Show.



Here's a great idea! Let's put a few actors in bearskin rugs and have them speak gibberish with no subtitles...for an hour and a half! We won't have to write dialogue for them, we'll show a couple of clips from the movie and the network will pay through the nose for it because it has the Star Wars name on it!

These people were either brilliant or high.

Wait! I know! Let's have Harvey Korman hit on Bea Arthur and then follow it up with a song!

Okay, I'm gonna go with high.

The premise is that Chewbacca's family (grandpa Itchy, wife Mala and son Lumpy) are waiting for Chewbacca to come home to celebrate Life Day, a name which for some reason instantly reminds me of Festivus. So we watch them grunt at each other and basically screw around without any clue as to what they're saying. However, there is one part where I'm highly suspicious that the translation would have been something akin to an After School Special, most likely about how little Lumpy had to change Grandpa Itchy's litter box...with a smile, dammit!

Oh. And there are some stormtroopers wandering around.

But I have to admit that I learned things - important things that I just never knew about the Star Wars universe.

1. Apparently your average Imperial Guard sports a mustache, really doesn't care for fish but does shop around for Ronco toenail cleaners. Fascinating.
   
   
2. Wookiees have needs too! You can't blame a rug if he needs a little porn now and again, can you? Mind you it was disappointing, singing, Diahann Carroll porn, but that's presumably because Grandpa Itchy was a cheap bastard and didn't shell out for the deluxe version.
   
   
3. Jefferson Starship is fun for everyone! Wookiees! Rebels! Stormtroopers! Okay, I admit it. I already knew this. But in life you really can't talk about Jefferson Starship enough. I'm gonna take a leap here and say that despite what you may have heard, most likely in 1985 Craig Chaquico turned to Pete Sears, wondering what the *hell* they had done in 1978 and begging to him to say that they hadn't actually performed in the Star Wars special but rather that it was a bad trip. When it was finally determined that yes, they *had* done the unthinkable, they changed their name to simply Starship in hopes of distancing themselves from the whole affair.
   
   
4. I've always wanted to learn from an alien drag queen on how to properly prepare and cook a bantha loin. And now I have. To the viewer's delight, Mala tunes into a TV show which was clearly the original Queer Eye for the Straight Guy Furry Rug. Although, I think I would have preferred watching Carson comment on a Stormtrooper's tight ass that a chemically wrinkled pair of jeans was framing nicely while they stood in the newly-decorated Arts & Crafts-style sleep pod...but I digress.

The Star Wars Holiday Special was more than merely about the universe that would one day spawn Jar Jar. Oh yes. I feel I also learned a lot about life in general.

1. When making a holiday special...or even a non-holiday special...if you ever get tired of shooting all that pesky live action, just turn it into a cartoon for 10 minutes. Trust me. It will make complete sense.
   
   
2. As long as humanoids are able to pronounce "da da da da da" you'll never need lyrics.
   
   
3. Harvey Korman pulling the undies from his crack is fine, quality entertainment. Bravo, my friend. Bravo.

Of course I need to share the pain. This is just a snip - unfortunately the quality isn't the best since it was probably transferred from an old Betamax.

http://sg1michelle.homestead.com/lj/sw_holiday.wmv (2.4 mb)

The first part - I always *knew* Han was a lovey-dovey kinda guy. I love you too, man.

The second part - Leia singing. Need I say more?

Deep, deep hurting. Pleasant dreams, all!

Comments

[lytarules.livejournal.com]

*sides hurting from laughing*

There's one detail I couldn't see, though. Please, oh please tell me the big thing Leia was clinging to and looking all googly-eyed at when she was talking about love wasn't Chewbacca. Leia/Chewbacca kink (can't call it ship) is too painful and scary to think about.

I can't believe I missed this.

[mrv3000.livejournal.com]

Oh, the big thing Leia was clinging to was in fact Chewy. :D Everyone needs a little Wookiee lovin'!

[lytarules.livejournal.com]

But he's all big and hairy! And he'd be... hairy! Everywhere! And... and hair would get... places! And it'd all be so... hairy! And... and...

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[nel-ani.livejournal.com]

Alright, I'm scared now.

[mrv3000.livejournal.com]

Oh, you will be. You. Will. Be.

Wait - you already said you were scared. Very good then.

[nel-ani.livejournal.com]

LOL

After Leia singing, I think I've reached my "terrified" limit.

If Han were to sing, I might reach "horrified".

He doesn't sing, right?

...

Right?

[woodface]

Michelle, what did I just watch?

Seriously, where the hell did this come from? Did they threaten the others they would never go home unless they made this?

*looks confused* Where the hell did they get this?

What happeneed to Star Wars?

*looks really confused and points at icon*

[mrv3000.livejournal.com]

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

In 1978 someone decided to cash in on the Star Wars phenomenon. So some people got together and apparently had their 5-year-old children write a script. :D

[woodface]

But but... that were the real actors or am I mistaken?

*looks lost*

[seldear.livejournal.com]

I heard it was sincerely bad. I didn't realise it was quite that bad. :)

*laughs*

[mrv3000.livejournal.com]

Oh, so very, very bad. Mouth-hanging-open-in-shock bad. :D

[seldear.livejournal.com]

Oh well, we're all entitled to our own occasional idiocy... :)

[josephides.livejournal.com]

WTF was that?!?!

[mrv3000.livejournal.com]

Your worst nightmare. Mwahahahahaha!

[matt1969.livejournal.com]

Oh. Dear. Goodness.

I've heard of this monstrosity, but never seen it. I was hoping it was a myth, you know.

Thank. You. So. Very. Much.

It's no wonder, Harrison Ford won't talk much about Star Wars these days *g*

[mrv3000.livejournal.com]

I was hoping it was a myth, you know.

I think a lot of people wish it was a myth. I read somewhere that Lucas once said he'd like to get his hands on every last copy and burn them. :D

Thank. You. So. Very. Much.

Share the pain! *G*

[suzvoy.livejournal.com]

You know I heard about this a long time ago, but I've never seen it...

[mrv3000.livejournal.com]

It's the stuff of legends. So very bad. :D

[suzvoy.livejournal.com]

Tee hee.

[diavestra.livejournal.com]

AAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHH!

Holy crap, MV! What the *hell*?????

I never *dreamed* such a thing existed. This is *so* much worse than when you subject us to snippets of bad!fic. I don't think I shall ever get those images out of my brain.

*running off to search for something to disinfect my brain with*

[mrv3000.livejournal.com]

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

I feel my work is done. *VBG*

...

Totally unrelated - when does Disneyland switch over to Christmas?

[samkicksass.livejournal.com]

Isn't that the most atrociaous thing? I saw it a year or so ago. Some guy in my office had a copy of it from somewhere.

[mrv3000.livejournal.com]

I managed to get it off of Kazaa. And most times I had my head in my hands, laughing incredulously. :D

Holy wookie-Lovin!

[atomicpagan.livejournal.com]

I can't take ALL the blame, GEEZ. I freely admit to scarring a small group recently, but I didn't, you know, produce the damn thing. ; )

And please don't use "Jar-jar" and the word "spawned" in the same sentence, please?

See, I LOVE the Princess Leia musical number, because everyone watching it goes, "oh thank god, there can't be anymore singing", and then Carrie busts out with the..the...whatever that was.

don't make me sing the other Fisher Mega-hit, "I'm a Teenager from Outer Space", because I will. I have the power, and I'll do it. I swear I will!

Well, for more horror, I highly reccomend "Turkish Star Wars", and then for those with strong constitutions, MAYBE "The Dark Redemption".

As you were. ; )

Re: Holy wookie-Lovin!

[mrv3000.livejournal.com]

I can't take ALL the blame, GEEZ. I freely admit to scarring a small group recently, but I didn't, you know, produce the damn thing. ; )

Well...okay.

And please don't use "Jar-jar" and the word "spawned" in the same sentence, please?

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

don't make me sing the other Fisher Mega-hit, "I'm a Teenager from Outer Space", because I will. I have the power, and I'll do it. I swear I will!

She sang MORE???

Well, for more horror, I highly reccomend "Turkish Star Wars", and then for those with strong constitutions, MAYBE "The Dark Redemption".

OOOO! Excellent!!